Painfully Optomistic

New Location!!

2010-12-05T14:45:00.000-06:00

Hi Everybody! Well I've finally moved everything into place at my new site for my blog. From now on please come to my blog at http://painfullyoptomistic.com. From time to time I'll come by this site to let people know I've moved but I'll now be blogging on the other site. So make the move with me and start following me on google friend connect on my new site.

CRPS And The Family

2010-11-23T00:00:00.000-06:00

Hello again! Well it seems to be getting busier as we start to get closer to Christmas. I really like the Christmas season however it also brings on a lot of extra stress. That stress usually means increased pain however I'm not going to let that stop me from enjoying the season. This is one of my favorite times of the year. The fact that the Christmas shopping is done for the most part is also great because now we don't have the added stress of what to get for anyone. My wife is great for being organized enough so that we get things done! If it was left to me I'd probably be shopping on Christmas Eve.

This is the best time of the year because we get to spend so much family time together. They really are the ones who keep me going through all this. I have such an amazing family, and am really blessed by the kids and wife that God has given me. As much as the kids drive me crazy, they are also the ones that who help me find the strength to keep going. When your kids of 3 and 6 ask if they can pray for you to take away your pain, then you know that it's a gift from God. They might make me crazy at times however I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Today is one of those days where they could very easily drive me up the wall. I'm having one of those days where it would take next to nothing to crawl out of my skin. My kids can trigger things to get worse when I'm having a bad day. What's really hard though is trying not to let the pain affect my relationship with them. Often I can be short with them when really it's the pain causing me to act that way. There isn't a day that I don't ask for grace from God in dealing with my kids. I want my kids to grow up having a childhood filled with fun, laughter, and love. Sometimes though it can be really difficult not letting the CRPS/RSD affect them as well. You can't tell me that it doesn't affect them because it does. There are lots of times where they can't act like kids do because of dad's condition. Instead at times they have to walk on eggshells because Dad is in pain, and it can be a real challenge to get around that.

Sometimes it can be really hard as I deal with this to watch all the people around me and how this disease affects their lives. However I really believe that God is working among everyone to help everyone with their specific needs. My attitude is that I will win this fight, just like David brought down Goliath. You take on each challenge that you face as it comes at you. Don't let obstacles stop you from getting past them, because there is always a way to get past. As a family this is what we do, we adapt to the circumstances and get it done! First and foremost though God is helping me walk through this one step at a time. He gives me the mental attitude that I need day in day out.

In January my wife and I will be heading away for some much needed time alone. We will be heading to Hawaii to relax and forget about all the pressures that we face. No kids! Quiet time alone! Time with the love of my life! It doesn't get any better than that! Again this is something that you need as a couple to recharge and spend time with each other. Along with that however its a chance to have some fun. We need to focus on things other than the pain. There is this tremendous mental game going on with CRPS/RSD, so I've decided with Gods help to stare adversity in the face!!

Diet And Your CRPS!!

2010-11-16T23:41:00.000-06:00

So how is everybody doing today? I'm having one of those days where I'm trying to ignore the pain yet it isn't working. Every time I try to distract myself from the pain it flares up a bit more and makes things worse. It doesn't help that at one of my doctors appointments today, I received a nerve block for recurring pain that I've been getting in my abdomen stemming from another problem. It's suppose to help take the pain away! Not make it worse! At the moment I'm feeling quite a bit of discomfort and it's making it hard to keep my mind off the pain.

Things have been getting a little more difficult over the last couple of days, as I try to deal with the stress of two kids and a wife recovering from a hysterectomy. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't affecting my pain level!! All things considered however the pain level is ok. I'm still waiting for news on when they are going to do my spinal implant, however it could be this month or three months down the road. I've already been on the wait list for five months so I'm trying to be patient. I keep telling myself it will be worth it in the end if I can reduce my pain by 50%.

I'm trying to think of all the things I'd like to be able to do again if the spinal cord implant works. It would be great if I'm able to increase my exercise from what it is now, which is practically nothing. That alone would be something great. If I'm able to get more active then maybe I just won't get sick quite as much. At the moment yet again I'm fighting off bronchitis. It's the second time I've had it in under 6 months!! Having a lowered immune system because of the CRPS/RSD certainly makes it a challenge when flu and cold season hits. It's usually next to impossible not to catch something that the kids bring home from school or get from their friends. So if you're newly diagnosed with CRPS/RSD then this is something that your going to watch. Make sure that you're doing as much as you can to stay healthy.

One of the things I've done to try and keep myself healthy is change my diet and eating habbits a little bit. I generally eat a pretty healthy diet and because of that, have managed to lose 4lbs in the last little while just by changing my eating. It's really only been a matter of fine tuning my eating and it's helped a little weight come off. It was also making sure that I control my portions. Knowing that I can't be as active as I'd like, I have to account for that and so you do that odviously by controlling the quantity that I eat. I don't often go back for seconds anymore. As well as eating better I take certain supplements that my body needs. In my case there are a couple things that I need to take. I have osteopenia in my hand, or bone loss because I can't use my hand. So to fight that I take vitamin D, and calcium daily in order to try and slow down the bone loss. At least by eating a pretty healthy diet, I give my immune system a pretty descent chance at functioning at the best level that it can.

It's so important for us to keep our bodies as healthy as we can as we go through this. If you think about it it gives you the best chance at minimizing some of the symptoms that we suffer from. Just the amount of medication that I take is reason enough to try and stay as healthy as I can. Eating well gives me the chance to reduce some of the symptoms that the medications can cause. I'm not going to lie and say that it's easy to watch your eating. I'm not perfect and at times have trouble with staying on track, however I do feel better doing it. I find the days where my pain is really bad to be the hardest. You don't always want to eat because of the pain, yet if you don't then your body isn't going to be in the shape it needs to be to fight this.

There are certain things that we can do to fight everything that our bodies are going through as we deal with CRPS/RSD. Eating right and giving our bodies the nutrients that it needs is one of those things. It isn't just that I want to tell you to eat right, it's that I've noticed a difference in how I feel. Even from the standpoint of being able to say that eating well gives us the energy our bodies need to keep up the fight.

It's time that I try to get some sleep! As of late I've really been having a bad time trying to sleep at night. Sleep hasn't been easy at the best of times with my CRPS. However lately with my increase in pain I've been having an even harder time when it comes to sleep. I roll over into a position that puts pressure on my affected hand or foot, and you have to peel me off the roof!! The burning sensation of my limbs has also been worse at night for some strange reason. I just keep praying every day that I wake up one morning and the pain will be gone. Anyway until the next time I say goodnight!

Fighting CRPS/RSD

2010-11-11T15:49:00.000-06:00

Well today is a great day! I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As I have been writing in previous posts, my wife has been dealing with her own health issue. Today I can tell you that everything has worked out well, and all she has to do now is recover from her surgery. It just allows a huge amount of stress within our family to fall off our shoulders. I'm excited by this because hopefully it's going to reduce my pain level along with it. So now I can concentrate on what I set out to do on this site. I have to admit that it hasn't been easy to write because my mind has been elsewhere. Through everything that has been going on our family and friends have been amazing and I thank them for everything that they have done.

So as I had mentioned in a previous post it's CRPS/RSD Awareness month. Are you doing your part to raise awareness? Later this month the 30th to be exact I'll be doing a radio show to try to raise more awareness, as well I'll hopefully be doing another friends radio show. I'm hearing about some great things that are happening to raise awareness. On one of the sites that I often go to http://www.ohmynerves.wordpress.com they are making a quilt that is drawing attention from the media. It's people doing things like this that help our cause.

I just feel that any chance that we get to talk to people, or bring light to our condition is an opportunity that you can't let go by. Bit by bit we can really make a difference. I know it seems impossible however I really believe that we can make a difference. Instead of getting mad at the doctor that doesn't know anything about your condition maybe you can work with him or her to educate them. I just heard about a doctor that has written a book on teens that are living with CRPS/RSD, so I'm tracking down the book and trying to get it into my therapists hands. It's doing little things like this that are going to raise awareness, and help the people that need the information get it. I can hardly wait for the day that I start hearing stories of people getting better!!

Through all of this God has changed me and has given me this intense desire to see peoples lives changed. I don't want to see people suffer anymore. Not only do I want to see others lives changed but I want to see my life changed, and God is guiding me through that change. Over the last little while I've been experiencing change. As I wake up each morning instead of wanting to give up and give in to the pain, I wake up and tell myself how can I beat this. As days go by God is slowly revealing those answers.

As you know I am working on moving this site. I am wanting to incorporate some good books on CRPS/RSD that people can get good information from. If you have any books or authors please leave me a comment. I would really appreciate it if I could receive some help with that. So until then I'll talk to you soon!!

I Hate Spam!!

2010-11-04T00:46:00.001-06:00

Hi Everyone! I wanted to post about something different today. I wanted to post about the people that think it's funny to place spam within peoples sites! I can't stand people that think that this is funny or fun to do to people! I've recently found a couple of comments that people tried to place in my blog that were in fact spam. I've now gotten rid of those comments and I believe everything is ok. If you read my blog though and you recieve any type of spam could you please let me know so that I can deal with it. I need to know what the spam is saying so that I can try to track the source. Like I say however I believe I've delt with it.

It's beyond me how people can see this as being fun to do to people. I'm trying to help others and share my story with people and other people have to step in and cause grief!! Sorry to anyone that may have been spammed. I'm working on getting my new site up and running and it has two spam filters that will hopefully catch anyone trying to do this to my site. If your reading this and your one of the people that put spam in my comments I'll say this to you. You are not welcome on my site and I will be reporting you to the proper authorities if I catch you playing with my site.

Now that I've said what I have I'll get to what I was going to post about today. The new site is coming along and I'm hoping that I'll be blogging on it very soon. I'm really hoping that any of you that read my blog on a regular basis will follow me over to that site. I've got the google friend connect up so I need you to go to that site and do the same thing as on this site. I need you to go to http://painfullyoptomistic.com/ and click on join this site and then you'll be following on my new site as well. This is exciting because I really feel like I'm going to be able to make this site my own and add a lot to it that I wasn't able to put on this one.

One of the things that I'm hoping to incorporate into the site is a list of resources that you will be able to draw from. I've listed links to sites however I want to list different reading materials and various retail items that are available to you, in order to assist people in various ways. I do have to cut today's post a little short however I'll see you again real soon.

CRPS/RSD Awareness Month!!

2010-11-01T10:07:00.001-06:00

Hi Everyone! Just wanted to let everyone know if you didn't already know that November is CRPS/RSD Awareness month!! Take a minute out of your day to tell someone about it! If you are someone who suffers from CRPS/RSD then make it a goal of yours this month to raise as much awareness as you can. We want to see change and a cure, so the only way to do that is to step up and become a voice for CRPS/RSD. Let's make people see what this is really all about!!

Taking The Next Step With CRPS!

2010-10-31T09:00:00.002-06:00

Well it's Halloween and as always it's that time of the year that my kids get to be on a sugar rush for the next several weeks!! I haven't been having the best of days today, as my pain has taken over my body for the day. For most of the day today I've been fighting with pain levels and generally just trying to block out the pain that my body shouldn't be feeling. It's at times like today that I sit at home waiting for the phone to ring, telling me that I have a surgery date. Within the next couple of months that should happen. I've been told that it could even be as soon as this month that I get the call. I almost hope however that the call will be next month. Not because I don't want the surgery but because my wife is scheduled for her surgery next week. I couldn't imagine both of us going for surgery at the same time.

In case you didn't know in previous posts I had mentioned that I had decided to go ahead with a spinal implant, to try to reduce to pain levels. It took me a while to make the decision however now that it's been made I know that it's the right one. It took a lot of research as well as praying, to know that this was the right thing to do. It can be so easy when dealing with something like this to get desperate and make choices that aren't right at times like these. Who can blame us however because all you want to be doing is living a life as pain free as possible. Every day I see people rushing into making choices, and in a lot of cases you can tell that it's just out of desperation.

Here in Canada there aren't lot of options for treatment. However the one treatment that is available to people who suffer from CRPS is the spinal implant. You can go ahead and get nerve blocks however for me they didn't seem to have much of an effect on reducing the pain. There was an initial reduction in pain for about the first day then the pain seemed to return. I did see an increase in ankle movement however that now seems to have flat lined and the pain seems to have been getting worse over the last couple of months. After the nerve blocks failed I started looking towards the implant. I was put in touch with Dr. K. Kumar who is a very well respected Neurosurgeon here in Canada. With most of the treatments being in the U.S. it seemed only logical to make seeing him the next logical choice.

After seeing Dr. K.Kumar my brain was swimming with information, and I had all kinds of trouble with trying to process everything he had told me. Part of me was saying that I needed to go for the implant and the other half of me said no way! My brain was saying do you really want to put yourself through this only to have another thing fail. At the same time I was trying to weigh the risks, and were they really worth it to me. At the same time on the positive side it could reduce my pain by 50% if it works. It could also help me manage the pain better. In the back of my head I was also asking myself if this was the right treatment, because there were just as many cons to go with the pros. So I went back to see Dr. K. Kumar again to ask more questions. I walked away feeling good about what he told me, and I told myself I'd made my decision.

What I had to take into consideration was the fact that 25yrs experience in Neurosurgery says something. It says experience! Also able to give me good solid facts both good and bad about the results people see, as well as the risks to those who undergo the surgery. I had to trust the information that I was being given, and make a decision. I started to pray about it and just trusted that God would help me make the right choice. So what words of wisdom might I have for anyone? When your looking at the different treatments that are available don't make a desperate decision just because your pain is bad and you want it to stop. Think about how it may affect you in the long run both good and bad. Make an educated decision and don't let others make the decision for you. Most important however ask God to help you make the decisions you need to make.

Understanding CRPS!

2010-10-25T14:21:00.002-06:00

If it's not bad enough that I deal with my pain on a daily basis, today I'm dealing with a case of the stomach flu or something like that. The rest of the family has colds so this isn't a very healthy house right now. It's gotten to the point now that I just have to laugh! One thing after another! Well I'm moving along with getting my new site up and running, and I look forward to any of you that read my blog to move along with me when I do. This is really all a part of me making a site that will let me do more. It will allow me to incorporate more features into my site, so that I can get more info out to people that are living with CRPS. As well as info to those who don't know about it. I hope to add more links to sites that are both personal and medical sites, that give info about different aspects of CRPS. If anyone has some great sites that you would like to see incorporated send me the links so I can take a look.

As lots of you have been reading in different posts, I've been dealing with all kinds of stress in recent weeks. This of course has made the pain even worse. I stay optimistic that this will change and that things will get better. This is all part of this nasty thing that we call CRPS/RSD. It's just one of those times where there's a storm going on an you have to do your best to stay afloat!! I've got my life vest on and I'm keeping my head above water. I try to deal with all the different aspects of the storm as best I can. Knowing that I'm going to come out on the winning side of things.

When people think about CRPS they often think that all we deal with is pain. What people don't understand are all the other ways in which we are affected. When you take the time to listen to someone who knows about CRPS then you start understanding that it affects a person in so many more different ways than just physical pain. This is the nervous system that we are dealing with! What I'm trying to say is that you look at the nervous system and all it controls. If CRPS/RSD affects this system then there are a whole host of issues that start. Have you wondered why we get sick more frequently than others? It's because your immune system has been affected. There are lots of other ways in which our nervous system is affected, to many to get into. I would encourage you to talk to a medical professional about that though.

My point is that you can't just look at the pain side of things. You need to look at the entire package and if you do, then you start to understand a lot of what's going on within our bodies. If you do this then you can start to more efficiently deal with some of the flares that you suffer from. Armed with this info you can come up with a better plan for how to manage your CRPS. Does it mean that all the symptoms go away? No it doesn't however there are a lot of times that you can make things better.

I'm just trying to point out that CRPS affects us in so many more ways than what people think. So when we are having a bad day it isn't just pain that might be affecting us. Often a bad day for me is my brain being very clouded so it's hard for me to think, or even focus on doing simple tasks that might seem easy to others. People often say that it's the medication that makes you that way. OK! To a point the medication plays a factor! If you do the research then you'll see that CRPS itself is responsible for some of those things as well. I really want people to see that there is more behind the pain!

So you can see how this affects those people who go into their doctor and are looking for a diagnosis. If a doctor doesn't know anything about CRPS/RSD then often the patient is told that the pain will go away, or simply that they don't know the root of our pain is coming from. If the doctors where armed with some of this information then it would aid them in making a diagnosis. Pain might be the one symptom that we suffer from the most, however it isn't the root of what's causing everything! This is what I myself am so interested in. Why is my brain acting the way that it is? What is going on behind the scenes that is causing everything to be so messed up? If only people knew the half of what I have not only experienced but have learnt since being diagnosed!

So I say this to those of you who don't know what CRPS/RSD is. Challenge yourself to learn more about this disease. You might begin to understand what it's all about, and why from one day to the next things can be so different. It's about bringing this disease forward and seeing it for what it really is!! It's about making more funding available so that more research can be done to find a cure.

Lost In The Storm!

2010-10-21T11:19:00.000-06:00

Hi Everyone! Well I've started to make a transition from this site to another. For the time being I will continue to write my blog here until I get my new site up and running. The site will have the same name it's just that I have registered the domain to make it my own. This would be a great time for anyone that reads this blog to make some suggestions as to what you would like to see me put on my new site.

My pain at the moment hasn't been great, as I've had some extra stress that is making it really hard to try to deal with things. It's time for things to break! Just one tiny break would be nice. If there was ever a time that our family needed it, that time would be now! I'm doing all I can right now not to lose control at a time when the storm is out of control. There isn't an easy way to explain what things feel like at the moment. As I mentioned in my last post my wife is going through her own health issues right now. She isn't getting the answers she needs, and it seems like everyone that tries to help can't help. Does that ring a bell with any of you out there trying to get help?

So how are we feeling? Well imagine yourself being on a ship all alone lost at sea, and your engines have failed. As you drift at sea your boat crosses paths with a dark storm that causes it to start rock and roll. Waves are crashing over the boat, and you struggle to hang on. It's as if your calls of S.O.S. aren't being answered, and there is no land for miles around you. Your scared and feel alone because there isn't anyone to help. This might sound pretty extreme but the reality is that this is the way you feel when you aren't receiving the help that you need. You don't know which way to turn or who to talk to because every way you turn yields no answers.

At a time like this the amount of mental stress that a person undergoes is simply amazing! I wanted to illustrate the affect that mental stresses have and that they shouldn't be ignored. However quite often they are ignored! So it's up to us to deal with them as best we can. At the moment that's what we are doing as a family. Doing the best that we can to get through the storm. When it feels like it will never end, don't lose hope and know in your heart that it will come to an end. As a family we rely on God to give us the answers that we need and He is always there to save us!

For Better For Worse!

2010-10-15T20:07:00.000-06:00

Finally back for another post! I can honestly say that my pain hasn't been good at all as of late. I've been dealing with all kinds of flares ups, and it's been really hard to tell from one day to the next what I'm going to be like. Thanksgiving was good however I was dealing with a lot of pain. There have also been a lot of extra stresses that have added to the pain. However I refuse to let this knock me down. It hasn't only been the physical pain as of late that has been an issue, mentally I've been struggling as well. When the two collide it makes it really difficult to function the way that you would like to.

What do I do when things get like this? Find a way to overcome! There is most definitely an inner strength that has had to rise up this week, to keep me focused on not allowing the pain to dominate. I've had to rely on God to give me that strength. You see at the moment we are also trying to deal with a health issue that my wife has. As a result it has added alot of extra stress within our lives. It always amazes me however that even though there is all this extra stress, how God takes that stress and carries it on His shoulders. So even though life is crazy right now I know that He will help us manage things and keep my pain controlled.

This is really important because it helps me in just being a supportive husband for my wife. If you're married and you suffer from CRPS, then you know what I mean when I say that there is seldom any time for your spouse to do the things they want to do. There is even less time for them to be sick in any way. When one of you is sick then the weight of the relationship falls on the other person's shoulders. This leaves no time for that person to get sick, or take time for themselves because so much falls upon them. It becomes a real balancing act because her needs are just as important. My wife does this amazing job looking after me and helping me, so I will do the same for her. What she gives me I'll give back to her! Some of those responsibilities need to fall on me wherever possible to create that time for her. I need to be there for her like she is for me. So together you find a way to make it happen. More importantly though I need to put her needs at the top of my list.

What I'm trying to say is that as you deal with things in regards to your CRPS don't forget that there are things that your spouse or other half is dealing with at the same time. You need to be sensitive to that and try to understand what they are going through at the same time. Do I do a good job with this? Not always because you get caught up in dealing with your pain. This is where I could do better! At the moment is one of those times where she needs me to be there for her. I want her to know that I understand what she needs from me, and I'm going to do my best to be the husband that she needs.

It's going to take the two of us to get through the various storms that each of us face. When one of us falls down the other will be there to pick them up. It's about being solid and standing together and facing adversity. Staring it in the face not backing down when times start to get tough. Doesn't it kind of sound like the day that you stood up and said your wedding vows. Stop for a minute and think about that! We will stand by those vows and take on anything that comes our way together. I love you babe!

Spreading The News About CRPS

2010-10-10T08:00:00.001-06:00

For all you Canadians out there Happy Thanksgiving! I'm going to be enjoying the weekend with my family, and I'm not about to let my pain stand in the way. As I was thinking about what I was going to post today, a friend gave me an idea. How many of you have come across a doctor who knows very little about CRPS/RSD ? Well my friend had just been to the doctor and this was the case. Her doctor knew absolutely nothing about the condition. It is so frustrating to hear time after time that they don't know about the condition.

There is new information coming out all the time by doctors who are doing research on this condition. The issue seems to be though that doctors are slow in being trained to understand and be able to diagnose the condition. So what is being done to train our doctors? I don't think it's a matter of laying blame on anybody, but I do think that there needs to be a higher level of awareness. Doctors need to start taking people who suffer from chronic pain more seriously. We aren't just going in complaining about a common ache or pain. The pain is very real and there are multiple ways in which it's affecting our lives.

Don't get me wrong the doctors who do understand and know something about CRPS are great, and for the most part do everything they can to help us. What was interesting was that once my friend explained CRPS to her doctor she wanted to know more about it and how to treat. In my brain it's just a matter of getting the information out there. We are seeing more information getting out in the last five years however it needs to be faster. I just look at my case and how long it took to be diagnosed. It took a little over a year for anyone to diagnose and start treatment on me. If it had been quicker then maybe some of my symptoms wouldn't be as bad as they are.

The education of CRPS isn't only up to the medical community, it's up to us as the ones who suffer from it to work with them so that they can learn. It's this ability to work together as a team that I think we need to see change. If I had to give up a dollar for every time that I've heard someone say " the doctor doesn't know anything about CRPS " then I'd be broke by now. In a lot of cases though this is where it stops. We need to start drawing more attention to CRPS, and raise awareness to a whole new level. Don't think that for a minute that you can't bring about change because you can!

If you do some research you'll find people who have started groups, or are trying to raise awareness in various ways. Get involved and try to make a difference! If we all get involved then people are going to start to listen. Then if we're lucky change will follow behind that. I've seen some real positive changes in the last five years since my diagnosis. As the people who work with me gain knowledge they've been able to alter treatment plans and learn so much more. They are starting to get to people who are being diagnosed faster and therefore starting treatment sooner. This then betters their chances at minimizing the symptoms and trying to reverse the condition.

In theory it seems so easy but in reality it isn't. Seeing change and breakthrough takes time, and it also takes effort from all sides and parties involved. I've been learning that it doesn't do me or anyone else any good to just complain about what people aren't doing. I need to start focusing on what I can do to do my part to bring about that change that we'd all like to see. I'm not asking for a cure tomorrow, although that would be nice!! I am saying that CRPS needs to be recognised more, and that I can be a part of making that small change happen. I believe that it's about taking one step at a time, working together towards one common goal. As you start to make small changes then bigger changes start to happen. What are you doing to raise awareness? Leave me a comment.

It's Thanksgiving! What Are You Thankful For?

2010-10-06T17:34:00.000-06:00

Well Thanksgiving is only a few days away and I don't know about you but I'm getting ready to eat my body weight in turkey!! Oh ya did I forget to mention that I'm also going to do the same with the stuffing, mashed potatoes, and of course my favorite pumpkin pie!! I haven't really thought about how I'll work it off, but I'll worry about all that later. Worrying only makes our pain worse doesn't it, so I guess I won't worry about it then. My pain has been all over the map lately so it's really hard to predict one day from the next. I can only hope that things settle a bit over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Over the holiday we'll go out to our cottage and visit family, clear up all the fall leaves that are dropping, and finally close down the cottage until spring. It's always fun when all the family is together and I'm very thankful that I have all the extended family that I do. As I was thinking about being surrounded by the great family that I have, I started to think about all the great people that surround me as I go through this season in my life. As suffers of CRPS know, it can be easy to forget about all the things that surround us that we truly need to be thankful for. In my case I have really good people in the health care system that surround me who are trying to make a difference and truly want to see me get healthy again.

When I look back at all the help I've been given so far, I need to be really thankful for the level of care that I'm getting and everything they do for me. There are so many things that they do that make the difference in my treatment. It's also all the small things that they do like changing schedules to accommodate, or even opening their door when we need someone to talk to. They really do understand what I go through on a daily basis and if I wasn't surrounded by such amazing people it would be a much harder fight. They have a vested interest in this fight, and that's to see me get better. They also keep me focused and motivated to keep fighting.

What they are doing is more than just their job. They are always looking for that one thing that will help you. If you think about it they don't have an easy job dealing with us. Each case of CRPS is a little bit different, and you need to treat each person a little different. I'm just thankful that there are people that are trying to help me, and to those people I just want to say thanks for all that you do. If it wasn't for everything that you do for me on a daily basis, my symptoms would probably be worse than they are. People need to understand that those professionals are learning along with us, so it's important to work together so that we learn from each other.

The level of support that I get would be really hard to find anywhere else. That in itself is worth its weight in gold. As many of you know just getting somebody to care can be hard. I can't begin to say enough about the people that provide for my health care right from Dr.'s to the therapists. It's Thanksgiving! Take some time to reflect on what you are thankful for!!

Raising Awareness For Chronic Pain!!

2010-10-02T09:00:00.002-06:00

Back for another post! Actually by the time that you start reading this I'll be sitting back relaxing at our cottage on the lake. Actually there will be a whole lot of leaves that need to be taken care of seeing as we are well into fall and the cold and snowy winter isn't far away!! I love this time of year because the colors at this time of the year are truly spectacular!! It's also that time of year that we'll have to close up the cottage until next spring.

The other day as I driving my daughter home I had to stop and wait for a train. Who in there right mind builds a city, and puts train tracks running right through the middle of the it. Seeing as we weren't going anywhere fast I got to talking to the person in the car next to mine. I soon discovered that she had been recovering from brain surgery for a brain aneurism that she had suffered from. So she had been suffering from severe migraine like headaches. We got to talking about chronic pain and how people either don't take you seriously about it, or just don't see it as being as something serious.

It can be so frustrating dealing with something that clearly so many people just don't understand. I have come across so many people who tell me that their doctor just doesn't understand how much pain they're in. They also tell me that they are told that it's all in there head and that it isn't real. Early on before I was diagnosed I was one of those people who was misunderstood. It wasn't that the doctors that were seeing me didn't care I just don't think they had enough understanding of what all involves. Really all you have to do is look at the sheer number of people who get told that it's all in their head. Could there be a common link between all those people? Or are all those people crazy?

There are roughly 75 million people that live with some form of chronic pain in the U.S. alone. I don't know what the numbers are here in Canada, or around the world for that matter. We need to draw attention to this and start letting people that we won't go away and that we are just as important as the next. There is a site that I came across that is doing just that. The site is called http://www.invisibleproject.org/ and I would encourage you to go to the site. On the site they say that pain has become the invisible disease and that it goes untreated and underfunded. Aren't these two areas that need to be addressed? We need to do as much as we can to start raising awareness!!

You can read everything for yourself on their site, I'm just trying to say we need to do everything we can to help the cause. Don't think that just because your one person that your say isn't important. Just think of what type of reaction we might get if each one of us were to write a letter to our Federal Health Minister. I'm not saying that this is all it would take but it's a starting point. To often we take the approach that nothing can be done.I'm guilty of that myself. Ask yourself what you've done to raise awareness for your condition. We need to see education taking place within our medical communities. It isn't that there isn't education happening we just need to raise it to a whole new level. Instead of saying that nothing can be done our mentality needs to change into thinking that something can be done. It's about taking baby steps and as we start to see the awareness then change will follow.

CRPS + FAITH = RESULTS

2010-09-29T10:00:00.002-06:00

Have you ever felt like you have a giant dark cloud following you? Well that seems to be what's happening right now. The other night my youngest daughter decided that she was going to close her bedroom door on the hand that I have CRPS in!! I know she didn't really mean to hurt me, and she really upset that she had hurt her daddy. So as you can imagine my pain is at an all time high and I really need some relief! It just seems like I can't catch a break. One thing seems to happen after another and quite frankly I'm tired of it. Anytime things want to stop happening they can. It's time for something good to happen to me. I just have to call on God for an intervention!!! The way I see it I have no choice but to see it as yet another test of my faith.

I started to look back today at all the times that my faith has been tested through all this, and I wanted to reflect on a few of the amazing ways in which God has been there when I've needed Him the most. I can remember feeling a whole host of emotions when this whole thing started. I remember feeling scared and angry, and like things were spinning out of control. I was trying to figure out what was happening, and why it was happening to me. There was a point at the beginning where I was angry because nobody could give me any answers. Deep down inside I knew that there had to be some answers!

What I found I needed to do was put more of my faith and trust into God. I started to realize that this whole thing was so much bigger than what I could handle on my own. I needed to ask for God's help and guidance to get through this. He started to help me deal with some of the anger and frustration that was building up inside. God challenged me not to be angry but to try to understand, learn, and grow from what was happening. At the start I was also filled with all kinds of different fears. There was not knowing if I would get the use of my limbs back, to how I was going to be able to pay my bills, and how we would survive financially. Again I found myself having to put complete faith in Him and trust that He would provide for me in these areas. Once again there have been challenges along the way.

There was no better example of this than when we were adopting our second child Katelyn. We were stretched to the max financially, and didn't know where all the money would come from that we needed. One day the doorbell rang and it was a courier from UPS. We weren't expecting anything, so I have to say that I was interested in what it may be. The courier then proceeded to hand me an envelope. Upon opening it were two checks and a note that said to use the money for whatever we needed to and that God loves us!! I was beside myself trying to understand what had just happened. Along the way there have been all kinds of financial stresses similar to this. However we've remained strong in trusting that God will provide financially and so far He has.

God is still working on the physical side of things, and I need to have faith that He will restore use to my limbs again. So although I may not have the physical use of those limbs the way I'd like He has removed any fear that I was dealing with and challenged me to wage a war. Do I have days of doubt? Yes! Do I have days where I just want to give up and stop trying? Yes! It hasn't been all easy and I'm still struggling at times. Do I lose faith? No! Do I stop trying? No! These are two things that God has given me to stay strong and to keep fighting.

As time has gone by there is a new confidence that God has placed within me. This has been huge because as things have been thrown at me I have been able to handle them better. Does this mean that things are perfect? No! It means however that I take things on with God fighting the battle for me, not trying to do everything on my own. We often have a hard time placing things into other peoples hands. What you need to realize though is that this is God's hands! Nothing is to big for God! That's why I can laugh at the big dark cloud that seems to follow me around, because God is right there with me.

Reaching Your Limits!!

2010-09-19T15:43:00.000-06:00

Today has just been one of those days! I'm tired because my physio took a lot out of me today and it's taking every last ounce of energy to cope with my pain. I've been back and forth between the kids school three times today and what finally did it was when my 6yr old had a redundant conversation about how many days she had been in school this week. I answered the question for her and she proceeded to ask again, and so once again I answered her. It finally ended in her having a meltdown on the drive home, apparently I wasn't understanding the question or something like that!! I just want to go my happy place today!! Oh! Did I mention that I have to go to parent night at the school tonight!

On day's like today my stress level is a little higher, and therefore my pain gets a little more intense. My plans tonight will be to come home, get into bed and get lost in the good book that I'm reading. Hopefully I'll be able to get lost in my book, and forget about all the extra stress that my nervous system is trying to deal with. Reading seems to help me relax because I'm able to take my mind away from the pain. I'm also looking forward to piece and quite.

Ok! It's time to get myself out of this funk that I'm in and put a smile on my face. I couldn't finish writing yesterday because I just didn't have it in me. The good news is that I'm more relaxed today and in a better mood, plus it always helps that my pain is better than yesterday. In a little while the family will be packed up and heading to the lake for the night. It truly is one of the most relaxing places for me. I truly believe that God has blessed us in giving us such an amazing place.

I really feel that this week has been tough not only on me but on the rest of the family as well. From time to time it gets really hard and it becomes tough to keep fighting this battle. When your in the trenches fighting it can be hard, and sometimes you may feel lost or your confidence may seem shaken. It's at those times that I draw upon God for strength and wisdom as to how to keep fighting. I've really struggled this week to keep things together, constantly trying not to lose it!! At times I've felt as though I've lost my strength and fight that's within me! Trying not to let the pain win like it wants to.

It's now day three of trying to write this, and I' m going to try and finish what I started. It's hard at the best of times for me to try and control what's happening to my body. What I need to do is get my focus back on my family, and what they need from me. I need to find the strength to get back up from all the pain and other things that have been happening, and be that father they need me to be. The only way I can do that though is with God at my side. My plans are to enjoy a Sunday afternoon with my kids and wife and to laugh and play with the ones I love!! As I finish off this post I want to leave you with an inspiring song that encourages me and hopefully will do the same for you.

CRPS Doesn't Effect Just You!!

2010-09-15T11:51:00.006-06:00

Today has been a pretty good day. Then again any day that I'm able to get up out of bed and not feel like I've been run over by a mac truck is a good day. I had the chance today to be on a radio show and talk about how CRPS effects not only my life but how it effects the entire families life. After the show today it left me thinking how lucky I am to have the family and friends around me that I do. If you want you can listen to the show on demand at her site. The link to the site is http://www.blogtalkradio.com/susanjsohn . The air date for the show is Sept 14th. I would also encourage you to go to her other great site which I have listed under my blog roll.

On the show we touched a little on CRPS itself however my wife joined us and we really started talking about how this has affected our family. One of the conclusions that we came to was that not everything has to be bad. We started to list off all kinds of things that have happened that are good. It doesn't have to be all bad that we focus on. Look for positive things that have happened from within a negative situation. The more I look at it the luckier I feel to have the family that I do.

As I sit here reflecting today on everything that has happened I feel encouraged by my family and friends and everything that they do for me to support me. It isn't one person who's fighting this fight it's an entire army!! How often do you stop and look at who makes up your army? My army is lead by God who I thank every day for all that He does for me. I want to stop for a minute though and say "THANKS!" to my wife for all her love, support, and the prayers! Is there someone in your life that is supporting you in your fight? It's important to think about everything that person does for you. What's even more important though is to stop for a minute and think about how that person is dealing with things.

It would be very easy to become focused on myself as I go through this fight. However my wife and two kids are dealing with this as well, and I need to stay in touch with that. I need to make sure that I'm sensitive to how they are dealing with things, and what they need from me. It's important to realize that everything that they are going through is just as important as everything that I am going through. So staying in communication with each other and how we are all doing is very important. I don't always do a great job of it but I try, and there is always room to make it stronger. One thing I do know is that my wife and I are united in our fight to beat this.

This is a fight that we can't fight alone and we depend on more than just ourselves to get through this. I would encourage anyone reading this to stop for a second and take the focus off yourself and look at the other people in your life that need you for support as well.

Managing Your Emotions!!

2010-09-12T00:02:00.000-06:00

It's Saturday afternoon the kids are having quite time, therefore it's quite time for mom and dad!! Actually today I'm feeling ok and looking forward to celebrating the Ethiopian New Year tonight. In case you didn't know we adopted our youngest daughter from Ethiopia. It's always a great time to get together with other adoptive families and we always have a great time. I've been having a tough week this week, trying to deal with the pain and some of the other symptoms of CRPS. However that being said I had a relaxing night alone last night thanks to my wife! I went out to our cottage and just enjoyed the quite and a night to myself with no kids.

It's night's like last night that help you get from one day to the next. It may only be one night but that night in my books is like gold!!!! Sometimes your pain creeps and creeps up on you, getting just a little bit worse each day. Finally it gets to the point where your body needs a break. Often I need reminders that I need to slow down or take some time to be quite. I feel like an adult who needs to be put in time out!! However because my body has a hard time slowing down by itself I need to make it slow down. Spending the night alone last night did just that, it slowed things down and helps me in managing the pain.

Now that I've slowed things down and my pain is better controlled, I'll be able to enjoy the night out more with the family. When my pain is at a tolerable level, then it makes it so much easier for me to interact with my family. The emotional side of things can be so tough because you don't really see how much they can influence your pain until things get really bad. Often it takes someone telling you to take a breath and slow down. This is the time for your TIME OUT! Often people talk about your physical pain but forget about how your emotional state plays a part in all this as well.

When you suffer from chronic pain you don't just suffer from physical pain. Your emotions come under attack and it can sometimes be worse than the pain itself. This might seem easy to control however it isn't. What makes this difficult is that there are so many ways in which your emotions can be set off with a condition like this. There are days that I have a really hard time keeping them under control, however with help from the people around me I manage them the best that I can. There are lots of people however that don't understand the emotional side of our condition, and to those of you that don't I hope I can shed some light.

The easiest way that I can explain this is take a page out of my life. In many ways lots of the basic things in my life have become a real challenge. There are certain things I can do on my own and others that I need help. However there isn't a day where I don't rely on someone for some form of help. Unless your in this type of a situation you truly can't understand the emotional effect that this has on a person. Lots of time is spent putting on a brave face and saying everything is ok when deep down inside you really aren't. In my case I have a really hard time admitting that I need help. I'd rather try doing it myself then ask for someones help.

When you spend time fighting your emotions then you cause lots of extra stress, which is then going to translate into lots of extra pain. If you don't get them under control then you'll continue to create added stress and feed your pain. Taking time for yourself is a great way to help and get them under control. What I have found to be an even bigger help however is asking God for His help. Whenever I have a difficult time with my emotions then I ask for His guidance and wisdom.

When your trying to manage your CRPS don't always think that things will be come easily. It takes an awful lot of fight and desire to overcome and win. Think about the first word in the condition "COMPLEX". Your going to go through periods where things seem impossible to overcome. If there is one thing to take away from my post today it's this. Nothing is to complex for God to overcome!

Forward Thinking!!!

2010-09-08T09:00:00.003-06:00

Well here I am again for part two of my post on thinking forward into your future. As I had talked about in my last post, I was saying that thinking into my future helps to motivate me to get better. There are so many things that I get excited about when I think about my future. The thing that I look forward to the most however, is being able to tell this amazing story about how I overcame something that seemed so impossible to do at the time.

When your right in the middle of the storm, it seems next to impossible to be able to get through something of this magnitude. For me I draw strength from looking at the end, and being able to visualize how things will be when this all ends. With Gods help I am getting stronger and stronger and no matter what gets thrown at me, I am able to stand strong and ride each wave as it comes crashing down on me. Through the course of all this I've asked myself numerous times why something like this has happened to me. There was even a time when I went through periods of anger, because my future was looking good before all this happened. Then in an instant it was all taken away from me! Or was it?

What I didn't see at the time was that God had different plans for my future. I'm still not quite sure what those plans are going to be however the one thing I do know, is that He's going to use this experience that I've been going through as part of those plans. What a testimony to be able to tell people! As time goes by it's one lesson after the next that I learn, and it's these lessons that are helping me to shape and build me. You see what I didn't understand at the time was that God's plans for me were so much bigger than my plans could ever be.

I just need to trust that His plans are going to fall into place when they are suppose to. I don't get angry anymore thinking about my future, because I know that He has something incredible in store for me. It's all a matter of His timing and waiting for it all to unfold. You might be thinking to yourself as you read this, how can I get excited about my future not knowing what it is? It's easy to get excited because I've experienced all kinds of amazing gifts from God already and I know that anything that He plans won't be short of amazing!!

So do you ever think about your future? Or are you feeling lost, hopeless, or even angry? Don't for a minute think that because you suffer from a disability that your future can't be bright. There may just have to be a few changes that take place in order to get there. In my case God has given me a vision to start writing this blog and to connect with others that are suffering from CRPS like myself. Down the road I don't know what will happen, however I do have a vision that it will involve everything that I am going through at the present time.

I can really get a sense in my head as to what things are going to be like when this is all over. From that standpoint it really motivates me to do all I can to get better. It also helps a person to stay positive and upbeat and not to dwell on the negative.

One last thing before I go for today. In the next little while I am going to be making some changes to my site. I will be registering my domain and changing things a bit. I'll be sure to add a link so you can get to me, as well as give you notice before I move. I have to figure out the changes first! Talk to everyone soon!

Thinking Ahead!!

2010-09-01T09:50:00.000-06:00

Well I'm back for another week! This week the kids went back to school and I'd be lying if I didn't say I was doing a bit of a happy dance!! As of late it's been none stop fighting between them so I think getting back to some form of a routine will be good for them, not to mention good for my sanity! The extra stress that the fighting causes doesn't help with my condition. It doesn't help any parents stress level when you really think about it! My pain has been up and down over the last week, but can say at the moment that things are at a level where it's manageable.

This last week my wife and I booked our flights to Hawaii for so I'm ready to board that plane right now and get away for a holiday. This is something that we've been planning for a while and is still a little ways away. However it gives me something to look forward to. I can hardly wait because it's been entirely to long since we've taken a vacation with no kids! I love my kids but it's time for some alone time with my wife. This is something we've had in the works for a while now, so as it gets closer we get more excited.

I've been thinking a lot over the last week about my future. Every once and a while I like to think forward, about how things will be when this is all over. That's the thing about CRPS you spend so much time living day to day, that you don't do a whole lot of thinking about what things will be like down the road for you. My oldest girl started grade 1 this week so she is gone five days a week now, and my youngest starts preschool twice a week so it will leave me two mornings a week with no kids. I'm sure this is why I've been thinking about my future because my kids are really starting to grow up, which starts you thinking about the future.

Let's face it I really don't know what my future will be right now only God knows that, as He maps things out for me along the way. I used to really struggle with what my future holds because it really is hard to say how things will be down the road. I used to think living with CRPS that my future wasn't going to very bright because of what I have to live with from day to day. It was hard to see past living with the pain from day to day, however now I'm starting to see past it and it gives me confidence to keep going. It doesn't mean that I don't have my moments where the pain clouds my vision. However it is important to realize that your future can be bright if you want it to be.

The one thing I can say when I think about my future is that I get excited when I think about it. Your probably wondering and saying to yourself how can I get excited about something that I don't know about yet? Well it's quite easy to explain. When I think about my future I start looking back at everything that I've been through so far and how it will influence my future. I look at the ways in which it has changed not only me but the rest of my family. So needless to say, there have been some amazing changes that have gone on in my life. Some of them good and some of them not so good. There has been this ability to fight and not give up which is a gift from God. If you don't think that going through something like CRPS changes you then think again. Needless to say there has been some real character building going on.

My point in all this is that as I start to see the changes in me, I start to see what those changes hold for me down the road. It's all part of something much bigger that is out of my control. No matter how things turns out as I walk down that path that God is laying out in front of me, I know that it's all part of what He is planning for me. How can I not be excited about that! Come back in a few days for part two and I'll get into more of the specifics of how thinking about my future fuels me to overcome CRPS and helps to keep my mind off the pain.

CRPS Surrounds You In A World Of Pain

2010-08-23T10:25:00.002-06:00

I thought that today I would turn the focus towards something that I feel is a vital part of coping with our CRPS. Learning to focus on things other than our pain can be hard because it almost consumes us, and at the best of times can be hard not to think about. I have to be the first to admit that when I can take my focus away from the pain, then I go for longer periods of time with reduced pain. That is if nothing happens to cause an increase in the pain. It's the combination of trying to stay relaxed, and focused on something other than the pain that is so hard.

I sometimes feel as if all of my time is spent talking about my pain and CRPS itself to others around us as well as those closest to us. No! Let me rephrase that and say that I am always talking about my pain. I think it's important to think carefully about how we talk about our pain, because if we don't then it can feed into our symptoms and make our condition worse. However on the flip side we want to make others aware of what this disease is all about and raise an awareness to others. On those rare days that I don't talk about pain or about the pain I'm in, it's almost refreshing and to some degree you feel as if things in your life are normal.

When your in constant pain it can be hard to just forget about the pain. I'm not saying this is what you have to do, however I am saying that you have to look for ways to distract yourself from it. If you suffer from CRPS then I'm sure you understand when I say that you are surrounded in a world of pain. The way I see it there are two parts to this world that now surround us. There is the physical pain that we suffer from and then there is the way in which we deal with the pain. The physical pain from day to day can be really hard to control and to some extent be out of our control. The way in which we deal with it is within your control. So this being said you might think that the two parts aren't related but they are. The way in which you deal with it can directly reflect on the physical pain that you feel.

I'm no doctor and am not giving any medical advice, but what I've found is that by listening and applying what my therapists tell me to do can help me with the physical pain. The more you think about your pain can make it worse so I have found that if I can manage to shift my thoughts away from the pain then I can sometimes be successful in reducing the pain. So how do you do this? There isn't an easy answer. Not talking about it all the time as I've already mentioned can help. Another thing that works is taking on a project. It gets me excited about the project and getting ready for it. Right now we are doing a small reno in our kitchen. It's something that has my mind occupied at the moment, but even more important helps me forget about the pain for just a minute. Even if it's for just that minute that I have some relief then you take it!

The reality is that if you live with CRPS then you live in a world surrounded in pain. What do you do to take your mind off of it! Do you allow it to control you or do you try to take back what it has taken piece by piece?

Raising Kids with CRPS = Stress!!

2010-08-17T16:57:00.000-06:00

One of the hardest things in dealing with my CRPS is trying to take on the day to day with my kids. Lets face it the roles in this house have changed, and now I stay at home with the kids while my wife works in the morning. While everything that we face in dealing with our CRPS is difficult there are some things that are harder than others. Trying to take on the role of stay at home Dad is a tough one for me.

This particular change is one of the hardest for me. It is also one of the reasons that I continue to deal with flare ups that can go on for a couple of days at a time. All of you parents out there know that being a parent is exhausting and it becomes even more exhausting when they are fighting with each other day in and day out. It works out quite well that my wife works part time because I can only handle so much. It then becomes her turn to spend her time being referee and handling our crazy but yet so incredibly lovable kids.

It hasn't been easy to handle the kids yet I manage to do an ok job with them. I can't do everything with them that I'd like to however I do manage to give them ME which is really what matters when you come right down to it. There are days that the stress builds up I know that it will effect me in a negative way, however life has to move forward. The one thing that I'm sure of is that I don't want the kids to suffer because of me. To some degree they do because of my inability to do certain things, however that's where my amazing wife comes in. She has an amazing gift for raising kids and makes sure that they get to experience the things that every kid should experience.

The hard part in all of this has been trying to find a balance where the stress doesn't become to much, which is easier said than done. There are days where I feel like I'm holding on by my finger nails. It takes every ounce of energy within me to keep going! My wife will be the first to say that those days where I'm just holding on are the hardest to watch me go through. On days like that I really need my relaxation techniques to get me through the day.

Anybody that has kids, knows that there's stress at the best of times raising your kids. It just seems that all the little things that get on a parents nerves become amplified when you have CRPS. Let's face it the yelling and screaming that kids do is a perfect recipe for increasing pain levels. When kids fight, dealing with those issues also gets your nervous system all wound up. I could go on and on however I think you get the picture of what happens dealing with those things on a daily basis.

So how do you avoid the added stress that those things can bring on? I don't think that there's an easy answer to that. I think a person has to do what works for them to avoid flare ups. Between my wife and I we've been able to find a way to make things work. We have a great partnership when it comes to dealing with the kids, and she's able to read when I need a break. I don't always do a great job in saying that the stress with handling the kids is getting to me, so I really appreciate her slowing me down and making me realize this.

The bottom line is that there is no way to avoid the stress that is brought on by kids. It will always be there however there are lots of ways that we can minimize the stress to have a better quality of life. The way I see it I have at least seventeen more years before my kids move out!! So I need to figure things out so that it doesn't cause the flare ups.

Feeling Scrambled!!!

2010-08-11T16:00:00.004-06:00

Well there's only one thing worse when it comes to dealing with pain on a daily basis. That happens to be the combination of pain with the fuzziness and headaches that you get when your dealing with CRPS. Today happens to be one of those days where everything seems to be a little more difficult for me. It seems as though every thought is just a little more difficult to proccess. What I find on days like today is that the day becomes very long and wearing on me.

On days where this happens I often try to do as little as possible because I know that this is my bodies response to slow down. To give you an idea of just how bad it can sometime get, I'll tell you about a time when my wife experienced my brain freeze and was ready to kill me. We were playing a game of scrabble and I was feeling like I am today. As it came around to being my turn I spent the next few minutes making a word, not really understanding how long I was taking. If it wasn't bad enough I was also making three letter words like mad, sad, and bad. I'm pretty sure that by the end of the game she was ready to kill me.

So if you are having a hard time reading this and some of the sentances don't make sense then have mercy on me because I'm having a hard day. From time to time the medication that I have to take shows, some of the nasty effects that it can cause. However it's not all the medication that causes some of these crazy things that happen in my head. The disease itself causes some of those headaches and some of the fuzzines.

These side effects in some ways can be worse than the pain because they really shut things down in your head, making it hard to function the way a person expects to function daily. All one can really do is fight through all the symptoms and hope and pray that tomorrow will be a better day. So for today I'm keeping things short and maybe the next day I post I'll be feeling better.

This is another reason that I have chosen to get the implant, so that I can reduce the amount of medication that I have to take. Hopefully this will help so I don't suffer from these things. Bye for now!

Pacing Yourself

2010-08-08T09:11:00.001-06:00

One of the things that can be a problem for me is trying to pace things, so that I don't cause myself any more pain. There are lots of times that I push myself too hard because I just want to get better. So what happens is that we end up having to back off my physio so that my pain can subside a bit. Or it can just be me overdoing it in general. My bodies response however is the same flare up!!

We have been trying really hard as of late to try and get some more movement in my ankle. I really didn't think that I was overdoing things, however my body recently has been telling me a different story. It seems as though I have been overdoing it and now I have to start listening to my body again! It can be really hard when the signals aren't getting through to the brain properly. I might think that I'm doing things within my limitations when really I'm not. What I'm finding is that I need to really take the time to slow down and make the right decisions. Might sound easy to do however when your dealing with CRPS that isn't so easy.

With every decision that you make it can be like a ticking time bomb because you don't know if it's going to set off a flare up. So you try as hard as you can to take things slow and increase the things you do slowly so you don't wake the angry giant that is inside. Tell me that it isn't frustrating that I can't take a simple walk around the lake that I live by!! I try to stay positive and see any bits and pieces of improvement as positives. It still doesn't make it easy, because for years doing the basic things in life where so easy for us. You learn to appreciate those simple things.

All the ups and downs can be really hard on us, and we can't give in. We need to stay focused on all the things that our therapists tell us to work on. Listen to them when they tell you that you might be overdoing things a little to much. Sometimes our wants and needs can stand in the way of us making those decisions that are right. You need to listen to the advice of the people that are helping us. Remember that they want to see us get better along with everyone else.

Just remember to take things at a pace that doesn't set you back, but keeps you moving in a forward direction. We need to learn how to read the messages that our body gives us. When I do a good job listening to my body then I find that I go for longer periods of time without a flare. When I'm not taking those things into consideration then the opposite happens. It's about finding a balance, and as you do that then you start to see progress. As you pace youself then you start to create a balance. The hard part is trying to keep pacing yourself.

A Lesson In Faith!!

2010-08-05T22:25:00.005-06:00

Once again my body is screaming with pain!! I think it's safe to say that yet another flare up has started. I'm back into my fighting mode, and keep praying for some relief from the pain. When my pain gets this way there is very little I can do to get it to subside. It takes everything inside as I've said before to keep things going and to stay positive.

It's at this time when I can't take anymore that my faith is tested, and I have to rely on God to get me through the tough times. I've mentioned before in previous posts, that without God I wouldn't be able to get through what I'm going through at the moment. It can be really hard to walk through something as big as this in faith, and not have moments of discouragement. There isn't a day that I don't ask God for my healing. Yet its been five years and I haven't seen it yet! However I continue to walk in faith.

There are times that you may ask, why do I have to go through so much pain? However there is a reason that He doesn't answer, He doesn't want us to know all those answers all the time. If He provided us with all the answers then it wouldn't be walking in faith. It can be hard to understand that sometimes, because all we want to do is get better. As difficult as this can be to understand, our faith is built up as we put our trust in Him. He wants us to learn that he's faithful to us every step of the way.

Tonight I came across a song that explains perfectly what I'm trying to say. The artist is Jeremy Camp. Listen to what the song is saying. Our faith is constantly being tested as we walk through something like CRPS, or anything else for that matter. I just want people to know that it's ok to feel discouraged as you walk in faith. The important thing is to keep walking in faith!! I hope you find encouragement in what it says.

Learning From Our Challenges

2010-07-29T08:17:00.002-06:00

Well after last week my pain seems to be doing better. I'm trying to stay as relaxed as possible even though at the best of times it can be a real challenge. I'm going to try to get back to doing something that I really like doing this week and that's painting. I have just started painting in the last year and find it a really good distraction to try to take the focus away from my pain. I was finding it really hard to focus on however and stopped for a while.

Some of you may not know that before I was diagnosed with CRPS I was really into photography and it allowed me to really show the creative side of myself. So in the past year or so I've been trying to look for something to replace that hobby and painting is a natural fit. I have the ability to see the picture I just have to paint it instead of taking a picture of it. Except one thing stands in the way, my drawing skills are made up of stick men and other stick figures. The hardest part to me is going to be trying to learn the drawing aspect.

It's all about taking on the challenge however, and learning and making lots of small improvements. In lots of ways this is much like how I deal with my CRPS. It's about facing a challenge that's been put in front of you and learning to overcome it. Your going to face all kinds of things along the way however you put your head down and you keep on going. Over time as you take on each new challenge, you'll become stronger and better prepared to take on the next challenge.

In a lot of ways I think painting will help me by both relaxing me and helping me in those areas of facing challenges put in front of me. It helps to keep me focused on something other than all the pain which is also a big help. Finding something that can really distract you from all the pain is so important. You don't give the pain a chance to build and build. Not only that though, it gives you the chance to feel good about something. Ask yourself when the last time it was that you felt good about something?

I might only be able to draw stick figures at the moment however my goal in the end is to be able to hang a piece of art on my wall. That is if my wife will let me!! I can make similar comparisons with the way that I have had to learn to deal with my CRPS. At the start it was even harder than it is right now. I knew nothing about CRPS itself and the challenges that I faced. As time has gone by I am slowly facing all those challenges and learning from them. In the end I hope to be able to overcome CRPS itself.

Update on my CRPS!

2010-07-26T09:37:00.003-06:00

Hi Again! Things are a little better this week as the pain isn't quite as intense as it was last week. The pain seems to be under better control than it was last week. I still wish that I could get better relief, however I'll take what I can get at this point in time. Although with the way that my kids are fighting my stress level should be up in no time which should bring on the pain!! That's what I hate so much about CRPS and how stress affects it. Stress is a part of life so how do you avoid it? The answer is you don't!! However you can manage it.

Well last week I met with the neurosurgeon, and I have decided that I will go ahead and have the implant done. If you missed my earlier posts I had been talking about how my nerve blocks didn't work with the pain, and that I was going to consider getting the spinal implant done. I have really been struggling with this decision because there are so many good things and bad things to consider. It wasn't just something as simple as going ahead and saying yes. After sitting down with the doctor we decided that it was in my best interest to go ahead and have it done. So now I have the joy of sitting back and waiting for the next three months.

What made things more difficult for me to decide was that I have two limbs that are affected, so its a little bit of a more complicated procedure for the doctor to do. My procedure has to be done in two stages, the hand being the harder of the two to do. What the doctor suggested was that we start with doing the easier of the two which would mean doing my leg first. He suggested that we do the one first and see if it's going to help with the pain. He was suggesting that if it wasn't going to work then it wouldn't matter if it was my hand or ankle, so why subject my body to the tougher of the two procedures.

After meeting with the doctor I felt better with the way that he had decided to take on my procedure. He explained some of the concerns that I had, and made me feel better that I was making the right decision. I'm still not crazy about having something foreign in my body, however if it reduces the pain then it's worth it. The other thing that made me feel better about my decision was that if I really want to I can have the unit taken out if need be.

Like anything you need to do your research and see what the procedure is all about. After talking with my local implant clinic and seeing the unit, I felt a bit better about what it was all about. The people I spoke with at the clinic also helped with explaining things to me so that my understanding was better.

One of the hardest parts about making this decision was how comfortable I felt with the doctor that will be doing the procedure. It can be so hard to read some specialists however mine comes very highly recommended. If there was ever a neurosurgeon I wanted doing this it would be him. Let's just say that you can't go on bedside manner!!In the end you have to look at how highly regarded he is, and he is at an international level.

So overall I am happy to be moving forward and have faith that this is the right decision to be making. I trust that this is in God's hands and that He will take care of me.

Who Encourages You?

2010-07-21T09:46:00.006-06:00

Well here I am for another post, and how things can change quickly!! Over the last couple of days I've been experiencing pain that has been off the charts. The other night it took everything inside of me to keep up the fight. Just when you think you've been through it all, the pain comes on even worse than the last time. When does it end!! You just have to do a lot of praying and ask God to take the pain away. There is no way to describe what you feel when your going through that much pain. Have you ever felt pain that drives you to the point where you want to throw up? Well I wasn't throwing up but I sure wanted to!!

I know that sometimes when I post it may seem like I do a great job handling the pain. Most of the time I try to do everything that I can to distract myself from it, and not let it beat me. I have my moments however where I don't handle it so well and just want to give up!! The other night was one of those nights where I had a real hard time dealing with the pain and just wanted this all to end. At moments like this it can be really hard for me to focus, and it can also be hard to maintain that positive attitude that most of the time I have. It's at times like these that I feel like the luckiest man on earth to have the wife that I do! It was when I couldn't, that my wife started to pray for God to take the pain away. To have that kind of support and encouragement from her is a gift from God.

I'm happy to say that those prayers have been answered, and the pain is a bit better than the other night. You can give me every reason for why my pain subsided over night however I know that it was an answer to prayer. It amazes me how quickly my pain can change. The hardest thing I find in dealing with my CRPS, are the emotional stresses that it puts on ones life. One day you might be feeling good and think that you are winning the battle. The next day your pain comes back and kicks you twice as hard, to try and beat you down. There's a constant game that goes on in your head that doesn't end. Your brain on one side is saying win the fight, and the other side keeps saying this is all to much to take. The people that surround you play an important role in keeping that fight going.

The other night was one of those nights where you have to dig to the very depths of your soul and pull out everything that you have to keep going. Sometimes it takes another person to encourage you or help you find that extra bit of fuel that you need to fight. As I was experiencing the intense pain, it was that encouraging word from my wife that helped me to find it within myself to get through this latest flare up. It's those small things that she does to keep encouraging me that help so much. She is a big part of this fight and for that I am ever so grateful.

Who's gives me the attitude that I have to fight this war? God! Who helps me get through periods of pain that test you until you can't take any more? God! Who keeps giving me the strength when I need it? God! Wo encourages us when we need to be lifted up because we don't have any more fight left in us? God! Who do you have in your life that encourages you to keep up your fight?

Rested And Ready To Fight My CRPS!!

2010-07-16T00:00:00.001-06:00

Well I'm back from my holiday and am rested and ready for another day of battle against pain. I had a great time out in Vancouver where I was raised visiting my family and friends. It's amazing how taking a little bit of time for yourself and your family can make such a difference. Even though my pain levels have been going up over the last four or five days I still feel better. Just the simple fact that your not thinking about it all day long, or explaining it to someone is enough to make a difference.

During the holiday I was able to see and enjoy all the great things that I have in my life in spite of everything that is going on. Sometimes because we live with pain 24/7 it's easy for our minds to become clouded and focus on everything that we don't have, or can't do because of the pain. We can start to dwell on the negative if we aren't careful. I'm not saying that this is something we do on purpose, but we become tired of fighting the pain and that's when the negativity can set in.

It was great just being able to spend time, with those who are the most important to me. As I spent time with my kids, I could see in there eyes that it wasn't about what I can and can't do with them. It was about spending time with them and being there for them. I took my oldest girl to play mini golf on a day that I was feeling good. It was the highlight of the trip for her!! I can't describe how good that felt inside to know how big an impact that made with her. These are the things that are important to me. I might have physical challenges, however it doesn't have to put a stop to the full and rich life that I can live.

Having my child come up to me and tell me that I'm "the best dad ever", brings a smile to my face and makes my day. I'm really trying to see all the huge blessings that I have in my life, and use them to there fullest. It can be hard at times to see all those blessings though because of all the turmoil that we go through in dealing with our pain.

It was just nice for a change to be distracted enough to be able to spend so much time thinking about things other than the pain!!!

Time for a Holiday!!!

2010-07-03T22:32:00.002-06:00

Hi Everybody! Well I'm back from a couple of days out at our cottage at the lake however I'm only back for a day. Tomorrow we head off for vacation for about ten days so during that time I won't be putting any new posts up. I would usually take my laptop with me and update from where I am going, however I won't be taking it with me this time. The next post you will see will be around the 14th of July when I get back.

This is a much needed vacation for the family, and gives us a real chance to unwind from everything that we go through on a daily basis. I'm hoping that it will be a distraction from all the pain, and that when I get back I will feel refreshed and ready to get back to the day to day. I'm really starting to feel as of late that a break from all the doctors appointments and just all the physio is really needed. It's time to have some laughs with my family and just enjoy hanging out with them.

My pain lately hasn't been good. More often than not I've been having bad days with my pain. It really seems to have gotten back to the same roller coaster of good days and bad days. It's certainly making me want to have the implant done tomorrow. I'm really hoping that when I get back from vacation I'll have made up my mind one way or the other. I can't really say one way or the other why my pain has gotten so bad again. The weather where I live has gotten quite hot and the heat to some degree makes things worse.

While I'm away I'm going to take the time to simply allow myself to forget that I'm in pain 24/7 if that is possible. I want to be able to come back refreshed with new topics to blog about, as well as be more motivated to keep up the fight. I would really like people to suggest some topics that you would like me to post about. Feel free to ask me your questions, or other topics that you'd like me to post on. For the time being however I will see you soon and check back for a new post after my holiday!!

How has CRPS affected your independance?

2010-06-27T13:42:00.007-06:00

On my last post someone made a comment saying that letting go of your independence is a lot harder than coping with the pain sometimes. I would have to agree with that comment. It's almost like there's this grieving process that has to take place, and getting over that is a hard thing to do. It could be a matter of days, months, or even years. If I look at myself I'm already five years into this and I'm still not over losing certain aspects of my independence.

Another thing that the person mentioned in her comment was that it takes a whole lot of patience to get through that grieving process. This is so very true!! It can take next to nothing to set me off when it comes to my independence. It can be something so very simple that sets it off as well. Take for example in my case trying to do up buttons on a shirt. It's not that it's that big a deal, however it's something that I couldn't do and had to rely on other people to do. Now I've come a long way and in some cases can do them myself with one hand depending on the size of the button.

There are all kinds of things that we face on a day to day basis that affect our independence, and it's a real struggle to move forward and not let those things affect us in a negative way. If we aren't patient then we let those things eat away at us, and affect us in ways that we don't want them to. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't ask God to give me the patience that I need to get through each day.

If your like me, in many ways you've lost certain aspects of your independence. Over time though you learn various things that help you gain some of that back. So it doesn't have to be that you lose it for good. However what it does take is a whole lot of patience as you do learn those things!! This is where God comes in for me, because He helps me with get through the hard times when it all seems to be to much.

One thing that I know for sure with me is that it's a slow process, and that it's taking baby steps to get over some of the things that I need to get over. Learning to not let all the small things bother you and set you off can be hard. I would say that this is one of my real challenges that I face. There are lots of times that I just put on a brave face and say that everything is ok. The funny thing is that they are really small things that shouldn't matter all that much. However because they involve my independence they take on a different meaning. They become bigger issues than they really should.

It's a day by day process for me, and each day it gets a little easier to move forward from something that's so incredibly hard. Each time that one of those things sets me off I try to have a little more patience in dealing with it!!

Adjusting Within CRPS

2010-06-22T22:47:00.000-06:00

Well as I sit here writing my new blog post I'm listening to the thunder, and watching the rain come down harder than I've seen before. Streets are turning into lakes and it's almost time to break out the canoes!!! It's a perfect time to stay inside and write a post.

I was thinking the other day about one of the things that I've had a hard time adjusting to when this all started happening to me. I was a very active person before, and I really enjoyed doing all the yard work and all the projects that needed doing around the house. All of a sudden I had to rely on others to do everything around the house. This has been a really hard adjustment, and even now I still have problems watching others do the work.

Not only was doing this work good exercise, but it was the sense of accomplishment that you would get after doing something that was so rewarding. I was also raised from an early age doing all the jobs around the house, so it's deeply ingrained in me to take part in doing all those things. Sitting back and watching others wasn't part of the plan.

When I was young I would spend time doing jobs around the house with my Dad. Doing all of these things was all part of your identity as a male. As my dad would always say it was doing man's work!! So to say that what was ingrained in me at an early age hasn't affected me would be lying. It just so happens that I also enjoyed doing this type of work so that factors in as well.

It just really bothers me that I have to sit back and watch things being done. For some strange reason I have a really hard time letting it go. If anyone can tell me why that is then let me know. I'm just not good at watching others break there backs when I should be in there doing my part. I contribute in other ways and so to some degree I've made adjustments, however I can only take so much sitting or laying on the couch.

I guess what I'm finding is that as time goes by I'm learning to let things go a little bit more. It isn't easy however the reality is that there are things that I can't do anymore and other people have to do those things. I'm starting to learn that I have to just accept that things are different, and that I have I can't do all the things that I'd like to do. Slowly it gets easier to accept!!! Like everything else however, you never get over it completely.

What I'm trying to do now is focus on what I can do. I'm looking at ways in which I can make the biggest impact with my contribution. I may not be able to contribute very much but I can play a part in how much my contribution helps others. I can still play an active roll in the things that need to get done, just in a different way. It's a matter of trying to wrap my brain around how things have changed, and turning them into something positive.

The Physical & Mental Fight of CRPS

2010-06-16T09:31:00.005-06:00

I know it's been a while since my last post but since then I have become sick with a case of bronchitis which is the last thing that I need right now. It started as just a cold however refused to go away, finally I decided that I needed to see a doctor who has since put me on antibiotics. That being said yesterday was a bit better and hopefully I've turned the corner.

In my last post I was still very much at a standstill as to what I what I was going to do with regards to the spinal cord implant. I have since met with someone who works with the implant clinic in our city. I'm glad I took the time to meet with him because it clarified a lot of questions that I had, as well as validating some of the risks that I was concerned about. I got to look at the unit that they would implant and he explained the procedure to me. What I appreciated was that he was very honest to say that like everything else it may or may not work!!

What I quickly found out was that of the people who have had the implant done the pain sometimes returns after the initial reduction in pain. In other words I had a lot better understanding of the procedure and all the pros & cons of the implant. Did it make it any easier to decide? The answer to that was no. However I did decide that I would start the process and now I am on the waiting list. I can always cancel if I decide against it.

Like I've said from the start I'm going to put this in God's hands and trust that He will help me with my decision. For the moment I'm just concentrating on my physiotherapy after my nerve blocks. I do have increased movement in my foot however my pain levels continue to bounce around. I'm trying to stay focused on not letting the pain affect me. As I try to keep the focus away from the pain it does help to stabilize the pain, so that my flare ups aren't as bad.

In a couple of weeks time I'll be going on vacation to visit my family in Vancouver. This will be a great break from everything and will help me relax. I have had a lot of distractions of late that have helped take my mind off the pain. As a result my pain has been a little better. As always it's mind over matter!!

Hopefully when I come back I will come back refreshed and ready for the next fight. As I mentioned in my last post I've really been struggling as of late to decide what to do next. Where do you draw the line? It can be so hard to keep up the fight. It's just that the mental and physical drain from fighting all the time takes a lot out of a person. Not to mention how the pain itself takes a lot out of a person. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I'm tired right now and need a break from everything.

What I find difficult is that as I you find out about new treatments, it can be hard not to find yourself saying " maybe this is the treatment ". You try to focus on day to day living however you are always thinking forward as to what you can do to get rid of the pain. What I find is that it's like someone dangling a carrot in front of our nose. There's always that possibility that the next treatment method could work and reduce our pain!!! So why not try it right!! All I'm saying is that we need to slow ourselves down and not be so quick to think this. Is the treatment right for you? Really look at it and weigh all the pros and con's.

I find that when I slow down and try to face CRPS with more patience and less desperation that I have more energy to fight and that I make better decisions. Every now and then we need to step away from what we are facing day in and day out. Take some time for you!!

This Past Week!!

2010-06-07T16:23:00.009-06:00

I know! I know! It's been a while since my last post. It's getting to the busy time in the year as any of you that have kids will understand. Its getting to that time of year where there seems like day and night there is something going on. As school comes to close for the year we have awards nights, and year end performances. I just have to try to control my stress level. This past weekend we had a family wedding to go to in a small town outside the city that we live in. My kids couldn't stop dancing and as always enjoyed having a party with their cousins.

Over the past week I also managed to pick up a cold. So are those enough excuses for not posting for a while? I don't have a lot of news to report as things with me really haven't changed. Do I get the implant? Or don't I get it? I would really like people opinions!! If you've had one because you have CRPS then leave me a post and tell me if it's made a difference in your pain.

Last week I had the chance to do something that I've never done before. I was chatting with a friend Susan who has her own radio show, and she invited me to be a guest on her show. So on Thurs we got the chance to talk about what CRPS is, how it affects daily living, and much more. I just want to thank her for the opportunity to talk about what we go through daily, and for being a voice for those of us dealing with this. If you want to check out her site and radio show then you can go to my blog list and find her under Susan J Sohn in my blog list.

My pain as of late has been up and down but the fortunate thing is that I haven't had any real bad flare-ups as of late. I've really been trying to control my stress as of late. At the wedding things started to get a little worse, however the rest of the weekend has been alright with nothing out of the ordinary.

Well this is going to be a short post that doesn't have a lot to it, however I wanted people to know that I am still here. It's just that my brain is congested from this cold not to mention that I have two sick kids as well. My wife is the only one standing now who doesn't have it.

So for now I'm going to leave and get some rest. I would really encourage any of you that read my blog to leave some comments to let me know what you think of my blog or what you would like to see more of. I'm always open to positive and negative feedback so that I can make things more interesting to the reader. Anyway see you in a couple of days!!

I'm Soooooo Tired!!!

2010-05-29T12:55:00.009-06:00

This week has been really long. Between doctors appointments, physiotherapy, and life in general I am feeling really tired. With the pain blocks not working the way that I would like them to, and facing having to make a decision to either have the spinal implant done I am feeling overwhelmed. It's just one of those weeks where I just need some time to myself, to figure out what step comes next if there is one.
When things get this way it's at times like these where I ask God for wisdom as to how to handle everything.

As of earlier in the week I was told that in order to help my pain I would need the spinal implant. As I walked out of the specialists office I wasn't so sure that this was going to be that easy a decision to make. My physiotherapists and myself still hope that physio after the pain blocks will show more results. All week long I have been questioning if this is the next move to be making. Do I want to put my body through this? Do I want to take the risks involved? Am I going to benefit from this or is this just another false hope for relief from the pain?

All week I have been asking God to answer all those questions for me. To give me wisdom to make the right choices. The last thing I want to do is make a quick decision that I end up paying for in the end. As I started to think about this and pray about it, God really has helped me sort out my emotions this week. He has helped me step back from things, and take a break from the constant flood of emotions that fill my brain and cause it to race ahead.

As the week has progressed my body seems have been telling me that it needs to rest, and relax a bit before I stand up and go to battle again against this ugly disease. I often stand in amazement of how God's timing comes into play. Have you ever stopped to think about the times that God helps us? He is always there to pick us up when we feel weak, or when we need encouragement. Just as I think I have no more energy left He always fills my tank with more gas to keep fighting. I don't know how things would be if it weren't for God.

It just all comes down to having faith and having enough trust in Him. That He will provide all the answers that you will need, as well as the strength to get through anything that you face. There has now been another fork in the road and I have to trust God to lead me down the right path. It's at those times that your in the trenches doing battle where I need Him there with me.

I am going to rest this weekend and take some time for myself. I'm going to rest my mind to help with my pain and spend some time with my family. I've seen enough doctors for the moment, and now it's time to spend time with the best doctor of them all GOD!!

Update On My Nerve Blocks For CRPS!!

2010-05-22T14:24:00.009-06:00

Well here I am once again for this weeks post. I have to say that I'm not really back to normal. This weekend I'm out at the cottage just taking it easy trying to rest as much as I can. I'm still feeling tired and my back is still sore, as well as suffering from some headaches. After the first two procedures there weren't really to many problems except for a really sore back. After the last procedure it seems like my body has been having a hard time getting back to normal! Whatever normal is!!!

This week has really been hard because on one side of it my body has been trying to recover from the procedures themselves. On the other side of the coin my body has been trying to push forward and focus on my therapy. My week has been very interesting to say the least. We are getting some increased movement in my leg and at times the pain level has come down. The way that I describe my pain level to my therapists is on a scale from 1 being the least to a 10 being the worst. After the pain blocks my pain levels were sitting around a 5 or 6. After the blocks my pain has been going back up to a 8 or 9.

So it seems at the moment I'm doing some real bouncing up and down and it's really too early to tell what's going to happen. At the same time my body is still trying to get over the procedures. Throw in some headaches and back pain and you have yourself a real party!!! So now that things are trying to settle it will be interesting to see if my pain levels come down and stay down. I'm really praying that they do come down. At the moment they keep going up and down.

I will be going to see the pain specialist on Tuesday and we will go over the procedures and what the next step is. As I mentioned before I am already on the list for the spinal cord implant however we do have to give this procedure some time to see if we can get some results. The only way to do that is to keep going really hard at therapy. Another reason that my body feels like its been through a war.

It's been a really draining couple of weeks, not only for me but for my family as well. My wife has had to do even more than she already does which has been hard on her. We are all tired and the timing of a long weekend couldn't be better. Now we all get the chance to just relax.

You may be asking why would I put myself through this to have it fail??? What if it works!!!! There's a 50/50 chance isn't there. If I want to get better then I have to try don't I. This is what I'm talking about when I say that you have to fight on and on, and it's God that gives me that fight. Am I going to get discouraged if this doesn't work? No! I'll just keep trying until I get better. Anyway I'll be back in a couple of days after I take a few more days at the lake. I'll head back home ready to fight some more to overcome CRPS! Does anyone want to join me in fighting CRPS! You can't give up or it will overcome you!!!!

Update!

2010-05-17T22:21:00.002-06:00

Hi Everybody! Sorry for the long delay, I was intending on updating you through the series of procedures however I wasn't really feeling up to it. Today was the last of my three procedures, and I'm glad that they are over with for the time being. I am in more pain than I was expecting on the third, and after going through a pretty tough week my body is tired.

As I mentioned before I had three procedures done this week, each time having the same procedure. Each day I went to the hospital to have two needles fed into my back to do a nerve block. The procedures are spaced two days apart to give you time to recover in between. The worst part has to be the back pain that you have to suffer through. The medical staff were great and I can't say enough about the way that they treated me.

At the moment the results are sort of up in the air. Although my pain levels are coming down a bit after treatment, they are going back up again several hours after treatment. I'm not going to say that things aren't working however it's very up and down at this time. I will say that we have been able to gain some movement in my leg which is a real positive. I'm just trying to keep moving forward and at the same time see some results. I am also being put on the wait list for a spinal implant if these procedures don't work.

As my therapists have now said it's time to train like an Olympic athlete and really try to work as hard as you can, so that's what I'm prepared to do. As I am not feeling all that well I'm going to keep tonight's post short. Hopefully in the next couple of days I'll start to feel better, and then I'll let you know more. Talk to everyone in a couple!!

Ready As I'll Ever Be!!!

2010-05-11T00:51:00.004-06:00

Today the phone rang first thing in the morning and it was the hospital booking my procedure for tomorrow. My post is going to be short today as I'm a little bit of a basket case trying to stay focused. I have that mix of nervous and excited running through my body at the moment.

If you don't remember I'm having a nerve block done first thing in the morning, the first of three procedures if all goes well. I can't believe that in 24hrs I may not have very much pain in my left leg. I'll be sure to keep everyone updated and let you know day by day what I am experiencing. I will be the third person at our rehab centre to have recieved this procedure and I'm hoping and praying for the same results, that is to be pain free!!

I couldn't believe how quickly everything happened, and I almost dropped the phone when she said she wanted to book my appointment for the next day. It really doesn't give you any time to think about it. The nice thing about all this is that I go straight from the hospital tomorrow to physio to start walking!!

Well I have to get a little sleep before the big day tomorrow. I'm going into this like anything else with a positive attitude. This could be the day that God changes everything. I will talk to everyone very soon, and I'll keep everyone updated from start to finish!!

Arm Yourself With The Answers

2010-05-06T09:03:00.005-06:00

I was thinking today about how I have been meeting CRPS straight in the face, and not letting it win. There are two answers that I have for this. The first and foremost is my faith. As I've mentioned before without God I wouldn't be able to face each and every way that I do. The second way is that I'm trying to arm myself with as much information as I can about CRPS.

What I mean by arming myself is that I try to stay up to date with the just about anything that I can regarding CRPS. That could be the latest treatments, or even the latest theories behind what is going on in the brain. You'd be amazed at how many questions you can answer just by arming yourself with the information that you need. There are all kinds of ways to source the information that you need. You can go on sites like the ones that I have listed on my blog, or you can source the internet. Working with my physiotherapists has been my biggest source of information.

As I read blogs and I talk to people, I'm finding that people either make a choice to support therapy and really try to get better, or they give up on it thinking that it's not working because they aren't getting better. Understanding CRPS and what's going on in our body, helps you understand why certain things work and don't work with your therapy. I am very lucky to work with therapists who give me lots of information about CRPS, and why my body is acting the way it is. They are always looking for new information and as they get it they educate me. From there we work with how my body is reacting to treatment, and help each other with my treatment plan.

What's important is that as therapy tries different treatments on you there is a real need for you to give them feedback on how it's working. Giving them feedback is only going to help them help you in the long run. Letting them know what does and doesn't work is important because they need that information in order to try to help us. We are the ones that are affected by this condition not the therapists, if we let them know as much as possible about what's going on then they learn from us.

As the therapists and doctors have educated me it has taken away a lot of stress and worry. Isn't that a big part of making our pain better? Sure there are still all kinds of answers that I would like, however I'm educating myself with as much as possible. Talking to others who suffer from the CRPS also helps. We answer questions for each other and give each other valuable information that were looking for. So instead of keeping to yourself put yourself out there and make friends. As the saying goes " there is strength in numbers " .

If you feel like you need answers, then don't just sit back and expect that they are going to find you. You need to find the answers any way you can. If you aren't getting answers from your doctor then ask!! If you want more info on CRPS itself then you need to source that info!! Don't sit back and become defeated by this illness because in no way does it have to defeat you. Arm yourself with as much as you can and you will find that you become stronger in your fight to overcome your illness. It will also help you in making the choices that you might find youself needing to make.

A Positive Step Towards No Pain!!

2010-05-04T10:24:00.009-06:00

Today's post is really about not giving up when you think that there isn't any end to the pain. Yesterday I went and saw a pain specialist about trying to control my pain because as all of us know that's the big challenge with CRPS. After being told at one point that nerve blocks would not work I have finally been told that we will go ahead and try a nerve block for my leg. If you don't already know I suffer from CRPS in my left leg and my left arm.

From the minute I walked in the room to see this specialist I knew that this was going to be a good experience. He then presented me with two types of procedures that we could attempt, the first being the nerve block. If this doesn't work then he wants to go to a spinal cord implant that would hopefully control the pain. In his opinion he thinks it's going to take the implant to have an affect on my pain.

What I was impressed with was that this specialist understood what those of use with chronic pain go through. He was understanding and didn't try to minimize the pain that we feel on a day to day basis. At the same time he didn't try to give me answers to appease me, saying that there was a chance that this may not work. This is what we need from our specialists that see us, that combination of caring and understanding mixed with the ability to give us the facts.

So in the next couple of weeks I will be going in for the first of three procedures. I can't say that I'm looking forward to the procedure however I am looking forward to what the results are. I guess you could say that there is a little bit of nervousness mixed in with excitement at the moment, as I wait for the phone to ring with my date for the procedure.

I'm being told that there is potential that my pain could be reduced considerably if not completly. It's hard not to stop thinking that things in the next couple of weeks things could really change, not to mention what this means for my family! There is still a really long road ahead and I'm trying to keep everything in perspective in case the blocks don't work.

I'm just trying to say in all this is not to give up fighting in whatever sittuation or stage that you are in with your CRPS. A couple of weeks ago it was things as usual, fighting and standing in faith the way that I always do. Now all of a sudden I've been put in contact with a doctor who I really like, and who really seems to understand what we go through with our pain. I don't believe for a second that this is something that God doesn't have his hand involved in. I'll keep you posted in the weeks to come as the events unfold!!

I am not my disability

2010-04-30T15:00:00.000-06:00

As I sit here writing today I started thinking about all the things that have happened, and where I am headed for the future. There isn't a day that goes by where somebody doesn't ask me about what happened to me. Then what I usually do is give people the Readers Digest version of what is going on and I move on. This then started me thinking about how people lose there sense of meaning when something like an illness strikes them.

When you think about life before being struck by your illness then you tend to identify yourself with the things you did or who you were. What I mean by that is that in the workplace you could identify yourself by a job title or job description. In your home life you can identify with being mother, brother, or a son. At the same time you could also describe to people who we were through what we did like being educated to a high degree, traveling abroad, or even starting up your own business.

When you become sick and suffer from whatever illness it may be then, your sense of identity starts to become smudged. You start looking at who you are because you aren't who you used to be. What I mean by this is that life as it used to be changes and you become "someone who suffers from CRPS", or "someone who suffers from chronic pain". As this happens then you become "cases" to some of the medical professionals, this isn't saying that all medical professionals see you like this.

What this leaves lots of people doing is searching for their meaning within their pain. More often then not as people search they find that they don't find what they are looking for. I went through a period where I was really having a hard time trying to focus on what my future was going to be like. As I went through that I just stood in my faith that God would provide all the answers. As I continue on this journey I find that He is slowly revealing the answers to me. I might not know all the answers yet but I don't find myself searching for answers the way I used to.

Do you find yourself looking for answers? Do you feel stuck within your disability? I'm not trying to preach at anybody but I will anyway!! The answers are with God and I would really encourage people that suffer from CRPS or any other illness for that matter, to ask Him for those answers.

The People That Support Us!!

2010-04-25T10:07:00.000-06:00

As I was thinking about what to write about today I started thinking about how lucky I am to have the people that I do in my life. Without my wife and the rest of my family I couldn't get through all of this. It's too easy to get consumed with our own selves and not see everything that our spouses, parents, children, and friends do for us, and for all that I'm very greatful. Sometimes we get lost in everything that's going on and don't stop to say "thanks for everything you do", to those most important to us. So thanks for everything you do!!! What we need to think about is how much they have given up in their lives to help us in our times of need.

As I write this I find myself speechless!! What an amazing amount of love and dedication that he has to his son. Here is a man who put his own needs and wants aside and puts everything he has into his son!! Now stop for a second and think about your situation. Are you suffering from a disability? Is there someone involved in your life that cares for you or supports you day in day out? Then stop for just one minute and think of the sacrifices they've made in order to help you!

It doesn't take much for us to say thanks, but its remembering to stop and take the time to do it that we need to work on. I have a family around me that makes all of this so much easier to handle than I could ever imagine. It's all the little things that my wife has to do day to day that makes things easier. She's the glue that holds everything together, and that can become overbearing and hard to take. It takes a special kind of a person to be able to do that. What I find most amazing though is that things are done with a smile and an attitude like no other. You will very seldom see anything negative coming from her. She is a truly a incredable person and I consider myself the most blessed husband ever.

I wouldn't be able to get through each day without the support that I get from my wife each day. I can be having a really bad day, and sometimes it's just words of ecouragement from her that keep me going. It's the small things like this that make such a big impact!! If you don't have anyone in your life that's helping you through this tough time in your life, then just know that your not alone. God is with you and will help you get through any challenge that you face.

CRPS And Your Kids!!!

2010-04-20T10:00:00.007-06:00

It's been about a week since I last posted so sorry that I haven't updated sooner. I haven't really had the energy to spend the time trying to post a new message. I'm fighting my energy level right now which happens from time to time. It's my bodies way of saying enough is enough and I need rest. What lots of people may not realize is that the body is drained of lots of energy trying to fight off pain. At the same time I have a three year old who is testing us in every way right now which sucks up every last ounce of my energy as well.

Other than feeling tired my pain is under control today which makes life a little easier in general. I had a nice relaxing weekend with no kids, which makes a huge difference in my pain levels, because half of the stress is there. The weather in our parts has been great and I'm trying to be as active as my body will allow me to be. It's nice to be outside after having been inside for the past six months during winter. Now days can be spent taking the kids to the parks and getting outside.

I may not be able to do all the things I'd like to with my kids, however going to the park is one of those things that I can do with them. I just park myself on a bench there at the park and let them enjoy the playground. For the longest time I struggled with how to interact with my kids now that things have changed. It's hard not being able to help your kid learn how to ride a bike or to kick a soccer ball and run around with them. I need to focus on trying to do things that are within my abilities that the kids will enjoy. The point I'm trying to make is that even though it's hard to interact with our kids the way we want we still can.

Over time I'm slowly learning to adapt as well as the kids to my disabilities. We are learning how to make the most out of what we can. I'm at home with my kids so there hasn't really been much of a choice I've had to adapt the best that I can. This is something that's really good for me because it challenges me every day, doing things that aren't always easy to do. It helps you figure out where your boundaries are and how far you can push yourself.

My kids can be a great way to take my mind off the pain as well as be a source of making the pain worse, it's all about finding that balance. Do I struggle with finding that balance? There isn't a day that this isn't difficult, however slowly over time it's working itself out. The point is that you can don't have to sacrifice your kids when you have CRPS. Remember it's not what you do with your kids that's important, but spending that time with them that they need and deserve.

My message is that if you have CRPS then your role as a parent doesn't have to stop, it only has to be modified. It took me some time to be able how to figure out how to make some of those changes but over time we have been able to do what works for our family.

Does Pain Control You!!

2010-04-13T09:28:00.010-06:00

I'm feeling motivated today to motivate others and that's why I've put this short video in, to remind you that no matter how bad things are they can get better. I'm on a journey right now to regain my life and overcome everything that has happened to me since being diagnosed with CRPS. Last week I had a really bad week trying to deal with my pain. The emotional roller coaster had me going up and down and at times I had to really fight to keep my focus.

This morning I was watching some motivational videos about moving forward, and couldn't help but think that this is the direction that I'm headed in. As I surround myself with positive I find that the negative has less and less affect on me. How can you not help being positively influenced by watching videos like these. It makes me think forward to what life will be like and how it can be, if I focus myself on how things can be and not how life could have been. If we stay focused in this way it's amazing how we put ourselves in the best possible situation to get better and start the changes that needs to happen in our brain. Standing strong in my faith helps as well.

As I was thinking about what I wanted to write about today I starting thinking about the affects of pain and how it has such a powerful grip on those of us with CRPS. When you think about it half the time we really don't understand how it's affecting us, and how much it stops us dead in our tracks from doing the things we want to do. When my pain is bad it's like I'm a different person, I'm not quite as positive and I find things more difficult to deal with. At times like this people can become more negative and only see the negative side of there pain.

I'm not saying that it doesn't take time to train the brain to focus on things other than the pain. I'm still learning it!!! What I'm saying is that over time I'm starting to learn and tell myself to take advantage of the good times when the pain isn't as bad. If it doesn't have me doubled over then I'm learning to take my focus away from the pain. Small steps like this will hopefully lead to more periods of time where the pain isn't as bad.

What happens with me is that I go through these peaks and valleys of pain. Take for example last weekend at Easter. Our family gathering caught up with me a couple of days later and over the next 3 or 4 days my pain started to build and build until it peaked. Over the next 3 or 4 days my pain started to lesson. What I've started to do now, is focus myself on knowing that things will be getting better over the next few days. Before I just used to think about the pain, and as you know pain just has a way of building and building. So I would spend days and days where the pain wouldn't change.

It's important to recognize that you can control your pain and that if you work with your pain and understand it then you can gain control over some of that pain. This is something that I'm trying to work on. It certainly isn't something that's easy because every day I fight with trying to gain control over the pain. You can't just snap your fingers and expect that you can do this overnight. This has been one of the biggest challenges to me is not putting a time on how long it takes. It takes determination and focus to try to gain the upper hand over pain.

Small changes may seem like nothing at all however don't look at them in that way. Small changes in my brain are big changes!!! It's something!! That's the way you need to look at it. If you can see one little glimmer of hope then that's something to hold on to. Don't let something like this control your life. Pain can beat you down if you let it, so make the decision not to let it!!!

Don't Let CRPS Isolate You!!!

2010-04-08T09:09:00.012-06:00

Well I hope that everyone had a great Easter. We had a great time visiting with family and just relaxing. My pain wasn't great however I didn't let it stop me from having a really good time. My pain level in the last couple of days has become really bad. Yesterday my pain took a turn for the worse and I feel like my body has aged by fifty years. However life goes on right!! Keep fighting and keep positive!!

When I was trying to think about what I wanted to post about today I thought about something that my wife had mentioned the other night. She had mentioned that it was great to have me there at dinner knowing how hard it is for me with all the noise. If you suffer from CRPS then you know what I'm talking about when I say that it's really hard to be around noisy situations or ones that create stress. A family gathering is right up there, with screaming kids and lots of people. It is never easy for me to go to a family gathering but they are important to me.

Sometimes pain can isolate us from others. It's important not to let yourself become isolated to the point that you become depressed. I'm not saying that you don't need time alone, but I am saying that you need to be social because its healthy for you. Today is one of those days, if I don't spend some time on my own in a quite surroundings then things tend to get worse. The pain today is at a point where there seems to be no controlling it, and I just have to ride out the storm. Being in a quite surrounding is ok at a time like this. Your going to have days where you can't seem to control the pain where you just need to be alone. Or in my case that's where I really start asking God for help.

There are lots and lots of days that I find it challenging to get out and not let the pain consume me, because that's what pain does. If you let it then pain will eat you alive. What do I mean by this? Its simple! What I mean is that you can either sit back and let the pain take over your life or you can get out and do things. I'm not saying that on a day like today I don't need to take it easy. What I do mean however is that I have modified my life in ways that I can get out and be active with my disability. It might be something as simple as getting out and having coffee with a friend. I go out every week with a couple of friends for coffee. I really look forward to this and it gets me out and gets my mind off the pain.

It would be really easy for me to withdraw and become isolated if I wanted to as I go through this. However there are two choices that I can make when dealing with this pain. I can either sit at home and be in pain or I can make the best of a bad situation and go out with family and friends. I'm saying that regardless of your situation you can still get out and be active. It might mean that instead of going out for the hours with your friends that you only get together for an hour, but the important part is that your getting out and getting your mind off the pain.

Lots of us that suffer from CRPS think about our pain too much, and let it build and build until we can't take it anymore. Before you know it you've become isolated from others and your headed in a downward spiral. What I'm saying is don't let yourself get to that place. If your reading this and suffer from chronic pain then take a look at how it's affecting your life. Are you becoming isolated from others? Are you spending a great deal of time on your own? Then ask yourself if everything is ok!!

Relax a little and Happy Easter!!

2010-04-02T16:24:00.008-06:00

Happy Easter Everyone!! Well I figure while everyone else is out I would write my Easter post. I'm enjoying a long weekend out at the lake. This is a place where I can really relax because we aren't running like chickens with our heads cut off. I find that its the one place where we can go, and I get the rest that I need. As I write this I stare out onto our lake and see the increadable landscape around us. There is something so peaceful about this. Its almost as if life around me stands almost still and for one moment I can almost forget about everything that's going on.

Our cottage is the one place that I can escape to be around nothing but family. I don't have to worry about all the doctors, the physio appointments, and all the other things that are constant reminders of what my life has now become. This is the place I like to say that I can come to and distress a bit. This weekend we will set up the kids Easter Egg hunt and just have great times with the family. As we got about half way out to the cottage I remembered that I forgot my earplugs that I use for family gatherings. My family does get loud however I use them because of the eight screaming kids that we have in the house at Easter supper.

So how many of you have kids that have figured out that the Easter bunny is really mom and dad? Yesterday my wife was driving my oldest daughter who's six to school when she says to my wife " the Easter bunny is really you and dad isn't it mom ". Like that we were busted and there was no turning back. We keep asking ourselves how she made the connection. However there was my wife explaining to her that it was all a game. She knows now and it's now a matter of her not telling her little sister. We let the kids know the true meaning of Easter as well because it's important to us to let them know.

Oh well the egg hunt won't be quite as much fun but just being together with our family will be enough for me. It also means that when we get together with the entire family that there will be lots of eating!!! By the end of the weekend I won't want to see another piece of food. These are the times that I'm ever so thankful that I have family around. It makes dealing with all of this so much easier. If I didn't have this incredible family around me, I wouldn't know how to deal with everything.

I'm really hoping that if you are spending some time away with your family this weekend, that you really enjoy yourself and forget about all that your dealing with for just a moment. If we are consumed by our pain all the time then our nervous system never gets the chance to relax. If we take the time to put ourselves into a stress free environment then we give it that chance to relax.

I know that this weekend is going to be filled with fun, laughter, and happiness which are better than any medicine. So enjoy your Easter and I'll be writing my next post after the weekend.

P.S.
I would like to know if anyone is having problems getting onto my site. If your a follower and are having trouble then leave me a post.

Trusting in Your Faith!!

2010-03-30T10:11:00.000-06:00

I had all kinds of things that I wanted to post about today, however I keep going back to something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I keep thinking about all the great things that I'm going to do in the future. I keep thinking about the plans that God has for my life and that they are so much bigger than I could ever commprehend. I know that in my last post I was talking about having faith, however when you trust in that faith then God starts to really work in your life and slowly starts to reveal things to you. So in this post I wanted to continue from where I left off in the last post.

I know that He is starting to reveal parts of my future and what I am doing is staying encouraged in what those plans are and not letting the physical and mental challenges take control of my life. Like I mentioned in my last post if someone like Nick Vujicic can swim and do all the things that he does then why shouldn't I. Does it mean that I don't face REAL pain? No! Does it mean that I don't wake up some mornings and say that it's going to be a hard day? No! I don't want to make it sound like everything is perfect. What you don't know is that as I write this I've been having a really hard time over the last five days. My pain has been intense, and trying to stay positive has been really hard. There isn't a day that I don't ask God for help to reduce the pain or help with my attitude. As I ask for God's help in these areas I'm finding that he's strengthening me and giving me that positive attitude I need.

Rather than bore you with a long winded post that doesn't make any sense I am attaching another video of Nick's that really speaks to how I feel so take a listen. I'd love to have people's thoughts of what they think about what he has to say?

When Nick speaks to us he speaks about the power that God has and the power that He has to change our lives. Some of these things that he talks about are happening to me, shapping and changing my life and I owe those changes to God. My future is going to be great.

Testing Your Faith!!!

2010-03-25T10:16:00.000-06:00

Lately I have been feeling as if I need to post about how my faith has played such a major part in getting me through each day, and the challenges that I have been meeting along the way. Without God in my life it wouldn't be possible to face dealing with my CRPS the way that I do. If there was ever a time in my life that my faith was being tested, now would be that time. Do I ever get frustrated because I'm not always getting the answers I want from God? Yes! Are there times that I get angry and wonder when will this all end? Yes! Are there times when I get discouraged and find it hard to carry on? Yes! But it's my faith in God and the plan that he has for my life that keeps me going.

There are going to be times when you want an answer from God yet He doesn't give you an answer. Don't give up because everything is done according to His timing. Are you feeling like there is nobody to turn to and that you are facing things alone? Well I am going to tell you that you have God with you at all times, and all you have to do is put your trust in him.

I can honestly say that when all of this started there was anger and confusion. All I wanted were answers as to why this was happening to me. I kept asking why God would let something like this happen to me. Now it's 5 yrs later and some of those same questions are being answered. Why did I have to wait so long for those questions to be answered? I don't know!! The one thing I do know though is that there have been changes that God has had to make in me. Is He finished making those changes?No! Does he ask me to stand in faith each day? Yes!Does He have plans for my life! Yes! I really can't expand on those answers because the only person who really knows the answers is God.

One of things that I've had to learn through all this is to trust that He will provide in any situation that you are in. I often ask myself that maybe I wasn't putting my full trust in Him. As I started putting more faith in Him, I have found that there is a confidence that He has given me that I didn't have before. This confidence has me standing up to face my adversity in ways I never did before. This isn't something that has just happened, this is something God has given me as I draw nearer to Him.

There are still lots of things that God hasn't answered however I keep standing in faith. With that I am able to look adversity in the eye and say that I will fight, and that every time that I get knocked down I am able to get back up. There isn't a day that my faith isn't challenged however with that being said God keeps making me stronger and stronger. Do I have my weak moments? Yes I do! However I'm only human so of course that's going to happen.

As I was going through some videos as I sometimes do I came across a speaker by the name of Nick Vujicic who really does a great job with encouraging people to keep going and to never give up. Please take a listen from start to finish because the message is great.

CRPS & Stressful Situations

2010-03-20T10:18:00.000-06:00

Today is a great day because spring is coming and our snow is finally melting. From a pain standpoint I'm not doing so hot as my nervous system took yet another flare up the other day. It definitely wasn't something planned. I mean who expects there breaks to fail on there car sending them through a red light into oncoming traffic!!! That's what happened and I'm sure that it caused things to get worse in the last two days. I'm just happy that I wasn't hurt. I don't exactly need anything else to go wrong right now do I!!!

Sometimes the stress that we encounter can't be planned for, so in situations like that we just have to deal with what happens. In my case I use my breathing techniques and the relaxation techniques to calm my system to try to recover faster. There are times though that we can control some of our surroundings to make things easier for us. Some of us that suffer from CRPS have a hard time dealing with things like crowds, noise, or just stress in general.

Crowds and noise seem to come as a package deal lots of times. This makes it hard to attend things like family gatherings, or going out with a group of friends. If your always missing these things then it's easy to become isolated which isn't good, as well as reducing your quality of life. What you need to do is find a balance so that you can take part in those things as well as not making your condition worse. This then becomes a game of trial and error, trying to figure out what's going to work. I wish I could say do this or do that, however what works for one person doesn't always work for the next.

It isn't easy to explain however what has happened is that over time, I have been able to figure out what I can and can't take for noise. What I mean by this is that on any given day depending on what my pain is like my body is able to determine how much stress and noise it can withstand before the pain gets to bad. It isn't something that I just set a limit to. I find that as I expose myself slowly to noisy situations I'm listening to my body more carefully. Then what I find is that I am able to determine from that, how to set limits and work with what my body is telling me.

Slowly I've been able to expose myself to things that I wasn't able to take before. I have a very loud family when it comes to family gatherings, because of the size of our family. We needed to figure out how I could be involved but not let the noise affect me. So my wife suggested earplugs to dull the noise. I've tried this on a couple of occasions and happy to say that it has helped. Do I like using earplugs? No not really but if it lets me interact in things that I want to then great. Limiting my time that I'm at a family function is another way to control my pain level. It's a matter of figuring out your limits, and letting your body guide you and tell you when it's had enough.

I do have to say that all of this is still a work in progress. I'm still trying to figure out my limits and how they affect my pain levels. What I am saying is that as you figure this out, you also learn to control the stress that you encounter on a daily basis. You start to figure out your limits before you become to stressed. This isn't something that happens over night it takes time to do this. Even though I'm only able to take so much noise, I find that at least I'm getting out there and trying.

This allows me to feel normal to some degree and not miss out on things that I want to do. If you have trouble dealing with noise and crowds then I encourage you to try what works for you. Eventually the idea is that you are able to increase your tolerance, because your retraining your brain to tell it that everything is OK and that the noise doesn't bother you

My Girls!

2010-03-16T22:31:00.000-06:00

Well here I am today trying to write another post however I don't have a lot to say. I'm tired and it's been one of those days!! I began my day today watching my youngest daughter Katelyn throw up breakfast. Of course this happens just as my wife is walking out the door to take my other daughter to school. So as if it's not bad enough that she's sick, about 20 min later my wife is walking in the door with child number two who threw up in the car. So the stomach flu is alive and well in my house by the looks of it. Just another wild and crazy day around our house.

Spring is finally starting to show signs in our parts and the snow is starting to melt. It kind of nice to only have five months of winter around here instead of six so that the kids can finally start getting outside. You can only spend so much time inside before the cabin fever starts setting in. Before long they'll be heading outside every day to play, yell, and scream for the neighbours. I'm counting the days before peace and quite enters my house.

I can't believe how quickly this year is going. Kate my 3yr old is now pretty much potty trained and ready to start preschool next week one day a week. Emily my oldest is almost done kindergarten and will be going into grade one next year. I just can't believe how quickly the time really is going. It seems like just yesterday that we brought them home. For those of you that don't already know we adopted Emily our 6 yr old from China and Katelyn our 3yr old from Ethiopia. I really am trying to soak up the memories, because it really does go as fast as people says it does!!

I might sound like I get really frustrated with them, but the truth is I can't get enough of them. They might drive me crazy at times but it only makes me love them all the more. Kate already has her first crush on a boy at our church named Keltin. She's 3!!!! I knew that it started early!! but 3!!! Emily is this young girl now. Just yesterday she was this little girl that was scared to leave us. Overnight she's turned into this intelligent young girl going on 18. She keeps asking us every now and then for a husband.

Think about it the next time you complain or moan about your kids. Consider the short time that you get with them as kids. There isn't a day that goes by that they don't do something to drive me crazy or get me upset. Is this something unusual? No! Kids will be kids! Love them for who they are and not what they do.

Reclaim Your Life

2010-03-13T13:46:00.000-06:00

Today is another one of those days. My pain level isn't great, and the kids are driving us crazy. That's what we have to expect though with a 3 and 6 yr old. I've been having a hard time the last couple of days pain wise and once again it limits the amount that I can do. Yesterday I spent a fare amount of time laying down in my bed because of the pain. On days like this the emotions come flooding back at how things have changed. It reminds me of the fight I'm in right now and how easily my emotions can change. Sometimes I really have a hard time with my disability, and I start thinking about the day my struggling will come to an end As I started thinking about everything I was reminded of a poem that my therapists gave me. Take a second to listen to it!!

Lets face it when your having a bad day it's easy to let you mind go back to that place that you don't want it to. You start thinking about all the ways in which life has changed, and lets be honest you start thinking about all the things that effect you in negative ways. When I listen to this poem however it helps me get back into the frame of mind that I am going to reclaim my life.

It's OK that the pain of what happened comes rushing back, because the chances are that it probably always will. It's learning to harness that pain and turn it into something positive that takes time. There are so many ways in which you can make positive change in your life. Yes life is different, but why not live it to the fullest. We need to be able to focus our energy on the positive things that we have going for us and not what we can't do. Take a look at this video I came across.

If this doesn't motivate you to live life to the fullest then nothing will. When I look at how he lives his life, it motivates me to overcome even more. It's OK that I have off days and I realize that, however I want to try and focus more on the positive things that are going on in my life. Living life to its fullest and overcoming my obstacles is important to me. We may have things that come back from time to time that remind us of the past however we don't have to let them effect us the way that they sometimes do. I think I need to do a better job of not letting those feelings effect me.

The one thing about this video is that Nick never lets anything stand in his way. It's his ability to embrace things for the way they are, and then move on that I like so much. We need to adopt this attitude in order to live life to it's fullest. It all begins with the attitude that we have. Do you have the type of attitude that Nick displays? I know that I have a pretty positive outlook on things however I also know that I have my times that I'm not so positive. If you were to ask yourself today where you where at in reclaiming your life, what would you tell them?

All I can do is tell you about what I want out of my life, and hopefully it will inspire some of you out there that are suffering to look at things the same way. I'm not saying that things aren't a challenge at the moment, because they most certainly are. I'm still in a stage where I'm learning to deal with my disability. Strangely enough as time is going by I'm becoming stronger. With God's help I continue to work my way through this ordeal. There is so much to life that is out there for those of us with disabilities. I want to be able to say that I made the most out of my life. Things may not work out the way that I planned them however I can still make the most out of my life.

Do You Ask For Help????

2010-03-10T10:01:00.000-06:00

When a person is diagnosed with an illness such as CRPS it's only natural that you are going to face challenges! There can be physical challenges, mental challenges, and all kinds of others. As you try to face these challenges one thing has become very clear to me, that it's never easy to ask for help in the areas that you might need it. Over time it becomes easier, and you start to understand that it's alright to ask for help when you need it. Do you have a hard time asking for the help you need? I know that I do.

I'd be lying if I said that I haven't struggled with asking people for help in ways that I need it. It's OK to want things to be the way that they were. However at some point you need to move on and accept things for the way that they are. I have really had to learn that it is part of a grieving process that you have to go through. Things are different now and I have had to accept the changes that have happened. You need to make a decision to either move forward or stay stuck in a rut. What decision are you going to make?

I still find that there are lots of times that I fight and resist help from others because that deep desire to want to do it for myself is still there!! I'm pretty sure that feeling will never leave. I'm sure that there are lots of you that would be able to relate to me when I say that the drive to be independent is incredibly strong, sometimes causing me to become moody. It's not that I can't be independent it's just that it's a little different now. I do really appreciate all the help that people offer however I just have a hard time asking for it.

I've had no problem at all however drawing upon my faith and asking God for His help through all of this. Without His help I wouldn't be handling things the way that I do. Do you have a relationship with God or are you just sitting back wondering where He is? Almost always all you have to do is ask for His help. As you face this kind of adversity you'd be surprised just how much help He will give you.

I am lucky enough to have family and extended family who are there when I need them for help. I can't begin to thank them enough for everything that they do. My friends are also the same way, always there for me when I need them doing amazing things for us. Then as if that wasn't enough we have a church family that is always there for us.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are all these resources around us when we go through something like this in our lives. It may be your family that surrounds you or if you don't have family it might be a counselor. It might be your church or your close circle of friends. If you want to move forward in a positive direction then you have to be able to reach out to those people and say that you need there help.

Pacing Yourself!!!

2010-03-08T10:03:00.000-06:00

One of the things that I find really difficult as I deal with my CRPS is learning to deal with my lack of energy and pacing myself through the course of the day. If you suffer from CRPS then you know what I'm talking about. There are days that I get out of bed and feel like every ounce of energy has been drained from my body. Do you have trouble managing your energy through the course of a day? Then what you have to do is learn to pace yourself through the course of a day.

Your energy levels are affected in many ways and unless we learn how to manage them, then it becomes more and more difficult to get through the course of a day. First of all the amount of sleep that people with CRPS get is a very big reason that our energy levels are affected. So often is the case that we suffer from broken sleep patterns. The other thing that is a big drain on our energy is our pain. Living in pain 24hrs a day is a very significant drain on our energy. The last big reason that we suffer from a lack of energy is from the medications that we take, and the side effects that they have. This being said it's understandable that we suffer from a reduced amount of energy through the course of an given day. Do you know how to pace your energy?

Learning to do this can be difficult because more often than not we have a tendency to tell ourselves that we can do more than we really can. As I push myself beyond my where I should, what I find is that I make my condition worse. Sometimes this can cause me to flare up.

When you learn how to pace yourself and manage your energy you find that your days are a little easier to get through, because you aren't feeling as burnt out all the time. But this wasn't something that came overnight. I have needed to recognize the fact that I can't do everything that I necessarily want to do. An easy way to teach yourself how to pace yourself, is to assign yourself an imaginary dollar value to your energy level for the day. You would then assign things that you do in the course of the day with a dollar value. When you have reached to dollar value that you set for that day your finished, it's time to let your body rest.

So take for example that you have $100.00 to use in the course of a day. You may choose to do 4 small things around your house that have a $25 price tag attached to them on a day that you feel like you have less energy or one big thing that has a $100 total value attached to it when you feel like you have more energy. The point is that when your learning how to work or do things within your limits and not to exceed your limitations.

Do I always do a great job at pacing myself? I would say that it's an ongoing project and that I could do a better job. It's not always easy because sometimes the desire to do things, just because your tired of doing nothing overtakes what's right for you. Slowly I have been learning however that you have to give in and listen to what your body is saying to you. I'm finding that as I listen to my body and pace myself through the course of a day that I don't get as many flare ups!!

The Waiting Game With CRPS!!!

2010-03-04T09:44:00.000-06:00

Today my stress level is a little higher than yesterday which may be one of the reasons that I woke up in a fog. My pain level is on the rise however I have had a couple of decent days. If you have been reading earlier posts then you know that I have recently had some surgery and am waiting to have some more surgery done. Well yesterday I went in to meet with the surgeon to find out that I have to wait for another two months until I have something done. Without getting into detail I understand the surgeons reasoning however it's just hard to sit back and wait while you are in pain.

It's the waiting that's the hardest thing to deal with. Waiting for 2 months isn't bad compared to some of the specialists appointments that I have to wait for. Sometimes I have to wait up to 6 months just to get into see them, and that's just for the consult to be done. Then you usually have to wait and have tests done so another 3 months goes by before you see him again. My wife is waiting to have some tests done at the moment. She's dealing with a problem right now, however the date of her test isn't until October. This is crazy! Waiting for 8 months isn't right. She then has to wait another month until she sees the specialist. Why do we have to wait so long???

I understand that specialists are busy and that there aren't enough to handle the demand. I understand that the wait for tests is long. When you allow time to roll by though without treatment then your chances at making a full recovery aren't as good. This is the case with any illness or disease. So my question is what has to be done in order to diagnose people quicker to get them into treatment faster?

What I find is that people with chronic pain often take a back seat to other illnesses which lead to death. So what happens is that when we go to see the specialists, because we aren't at risk of dying we get shuffled to the bottom. Now I'm not saying that those cases aren't important and don't deserve high priority, however we do get lost in the shuffle and seen as less important. Look at the number of people that live with chronic pain as opposed to cancer or heart problems, the numbers speak for themselves. All I can say is try living with chronic pain for a while and see what it's like. I can assure you that it's not a party!!!!

As you can see I am frustrated with all the waiting that I've had to do as well as the waiting I'll have to do in the foreseeable future. I'm not mad at anyone in particular however I'm mad at the fact that I was bounced around like a basketball because nobody knew who to send me to. As a result it delayed my treatment which has made it a tougher hill to climb. I'm not the first person to say this, and it doesn't only apply to people dealing with CRPS. Its time to shorten our wait times and start doctors to really start listening to there patients when they say they're in pain!

Challenge Yourself & Your CRPS

2010-03-01T13:57:00.000-06:00

Today is a good day! Any day that I can manage the pain so that I'm not letting it control me is a good day. The last couple of weeks I've been having some real flare ups in my pain levels. Today is the first time in a while where I have woken up and felt like things are under control. I'm still in pain however things are under control.

It feels good for a change to be able to get out of bed and not have to feel like I've been run over by a mac truck!! Just the fact that I have a smile on my face today and can laugh with my kids lifts my spirits. I'm looking forward to having a good day today without being eaten alive by pain. It's all about taking advantage of today while I feel good. It might mean doing something as simple as going out for coffee with a friend, but it gives me a sense of freedom that I have lost in a lot of ways. I might even do some reading because my head feels relatively clear. It's about challenging myself to do things that I haven't been able to do for a while because the pain has been too bad.

These things might seem like every day things to most people however they aren't to me. Being challenged in the simplest of ways like reading a book or going out for coffee may not seem to be a big deal to some, however to those of us that suffer from CRPS we known that it is. When you are able to do simple things like these, then it's like you've taken a piece of your life back. It gives you back your independence that a lot of people lose when you become so dependant on others.

On good days one of the biggest changes that I can see is within my kids It's almost as if I can hear them saying to me "Dad's back" we can play with him now!!! It's hard to have a normal relationship with my kids because of my condition. Lots of the things that kids do naturally like yelling and screaming have an effect on my CRPS, which in turn makes things worse for me. Quite often the added stress will cause my pain to increase. So when my pain isn't bad they get to be around a happier Dad. This only motivates me more to get better so that I can spend even more time with them laughing with them rather than being in pain and uncomfortable.

When you spend so much time in pain and not being able to do the things that you were once able to do it can be really difficult to stay active and positive, but the alternative is to become depressed and withdraw from people. The more active I can be, the more positive I'm going to be. I'll be the first to admit that it isn't as easy as it looks! I like to think of it like "The Little Engine That Could". He kept saying to himself "I think I can" "I think I can" until he got to the top of the mountain.

So the next time your feeling like your pain has eased and your having a good day, challenge yourself to do something that you haven't done in a while. It might encourage you or motivate you to try harder in your efforts to overcome CRPS.

Understanding The Pain!!

2010-02-25T09:52:00.000-06:00

Over the last couple of days I've been trying to do what I can, to distract myself from all the pain from my most recent flare up. Trying to do that however isn't always as easy as it seems. I love to read and there is no better way to distract myself from the pain than picking up a good book. However lately with the inability to concentrate and fogginess in the head this hasn't been so easy to do. It becomes hard to find any comfort from the pain. It's like when you get one of those splinters in your finger that you just can't see. You feel it and know it's there but you just can't see it. It irritates you over and over however there's very little you can do about it.

Where I'm going with this is that there are going to be days where you just can't do anything to help the pain. On these days you just need to back off and listen to your body. I've become a lot more aware of what my body is trying to tell me. There are some days where I'm in too much pain to be able to do my relaxation because it only aggravates the condition. Sometimes with my inability to concentrate it makes trying to focus on the relaxation techniques really hard and causes extra stress which in turn causes me to flare up.

Then one day it was like someone had turned a switch on and I decided that I wasn't going to worry about it. If I was having a good day and could concentrate then I'd keep going, and if I was having a bad day then I would just stop and tell myself that maybe another day would be better. I know it sounds like I did this quite easily however let me assure you that the changes didn't happen overnight. It has taken quite some time to tell myself to relax and not force things.

It has taken a long time to learn all the different triggers to my pain and what causes a really bad flare up and what doesn't. At the same time it has been just as hard to learn all the different ways in which to manage all those different triggers. Does it mean that we are successful in being able to control them all the time? No it doesn't. There are going to be days where no matter how hard we try, we just can't control what's going on with our body. This is when you have to understand that trying to do to much can in turn cause the opposite results of what you want.

Telling yourself to relax is very important. What's the worst thing that you can do for this condition? Get stressed right!! It's a delicate balance that doesn't always work, however we need to keep trying. I really want to encourage people to understand pain and how it works. The more we understand as someone with CRPS the better you will be able to control your pain.

There are two choices that we can make as we fight the CRPS that effects our bodies. One of those is to say " nothing is working " and complain all the time, or we can choose to try everything that may help us in our efforts to get better. If you take the time to understand the pain and how it works then you will understand the therapy and why its important to do it. Remember that you're going to have lots of highs and lows and that you just need to keep pushing through everything no matter how hard it may seem.

Escaping The Pain

2010-02-20T23:09:00.000-06:00

There was something else I was going to write about today however I felt the need to talk about something else. At the moment my pain is so intense that I can't think straight. What I'm trying to do at the moment is try to escape the pain and tell my body and mind that everything is all right. Earlier tonight I was cleaning up the kids toys and I took one wrong step with the ankle that is affected by the CRPS. I didn't realize that my foot was so close to a concrete block, when I turned around to take a step my foot came down on the block unexpectedly and uneavenly jarring my ankle. Needless to say the swelling and pain are up in my ankle.

I know that in a couple of days what has flared up will go back down but in the meantime I have to put up with the pain that it causes. At times like this I find it really hard to ignore the pain. What should be a really easy process for my brain is no longer an easy process. This frustrates me in so many different ways. I keep trying to tell my brain that everything will be alright, however all it's hearing right now is that it HURTS!!!!!

It's hard to give you an idea of what the pain can get like at times. At the moment it feels as though someone has snapped my limb in two, and the searing pain that I feel is out of this world. At times like these I find it very difficult to escape the pain and to try to convince myself that everything will be OK. You do the best you can to try to put it out of your mind, but when all you hear in your head is PAIN! PAIN! PAIN! it isn't the easiest thing in the world to do. Think about when you run into a chair and stub your toe. You can't stop thinking about the pain can you? Well that what my brain is thinking all the time hurt! hurt! hurt!

The frustrating thing is that you can't seem to escape it. You can have a stressful day and your pain gets worse. You can do something like I did tonight and the pain gets worse. What I can't stand is that I have no control over how my brain is able to process things at the moment. Am I learning how to deal with my pain and manage it? Absolutely! I can't tell how long it will take for things to settle, however at least I know that they will. This is a change in attitude that I've had to make. It's not a matter of if the pain will get better it's when will the pain get better.

Does having this kind of attitude make it any easier in dealing with the pain? In my mind it's never easy to deal with it, and right now there's a war being fought inside my head. Small steps, often day by day are being made in order to be able to escape the pain. If you live with CRPS then you understand me when I say that you are learning a great lesson in patience.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that it's a struggle as I sit here trying to write this not to let the pain control me. However it's at times like this one now that I'm almost at my strongest because there's a fight that rises up inside of me and says that the pain isn't going to win. It's at times like this that I know that God is right there beside me helping me fight.

United We Stand

2010-02-16T17:18:00.000-06:00

When I was first diagnosed with CRPS things weren't the way they are now. My CRPS started in my left hand at first and at that time I had lots of swelling, discoloration, and of course pain. However at that point I was still able to do things in a limited capacity. Then things took a turn for the worse when I injured my left ankle, terring the tendon. It was at this point that the CRPS developed in my left ankle as well. It was at this point that things became a lot more challenging and most of the work load started to fall on my wife's shoulders.

Nobody is ever prepared for something like this to happen in thier life, and just like that your world is turned upside down. What we found was that because I became very limited in what I could do there was more and more work being placed on my wife. All of a sudden I found myself having to sit on the sidelines not being able to help in so many different ways.

When I look at all the things that my wife has to do on any given day it truly amazes me that she is able to do all that she does. I consider myself the luckiest guy in the world to have someone like her. It's taken a whole lot of figuring out to take on our daily challenges together, and to be able to do it in such a way that we give each other the breaks that we need. There are days where I'm not doing well at all so she will pick up the slack to allow me to rest. On days that I'm up to doing a little more I will give her breaks so that she has the chance to rest and recharge. It just seems like slowly you start to figure out ways in which you can help, and doing a whole bunch of small things start to add up to a lot.

I'm not going to say for a minute that things are easy because we both have our days. Some days my wife finds it really tough and has to really dig down to find that extra strength to keep going. As well I have really tough days where it all seems to be too much, but by the grace of God we help each other get through things. I feel very lucky to have a spouse to go through this with even though it's just as hard on her. I can't imagine how a person can get through this without someone there with them.

Throwing a couple of kids into the mix while trying to deal with my CRPS hasn't made things easy. As a matter of fact there's a whole lot more that gets thrown at Donna. Like I was saying before however, is that you just find a way as a couple to make things work and to get through the tough days together. There's something very rewarding at the end of the day to be able to say "we made it", in spite of all that you have to go through in a day.

Facing your adversity together instead of in your owns ways is only going to bring you closer together as a couple. You need to be able to communicate and figure out what each of you needs to be able to move ahead and fight this condition together.

Encourage Me Coach!!!

2010-02-14T23:35:00.002-06:00

Well I just finished watching the Olympics and watched our country win GOLD!!! Talk about doing it in dramatic fashion, right down to the last skier!!! It doesn't get any better than that and what a feeling of emotions that comes up from within when you watch something like that. It's a proud moment to be a Canadian! As I sat watching the event I started thinking about what these athletes put into thier sports. These athletes train for a lifetime to get to this level. It wasn't only that, but look at the strength and determination that they have, or listen to some of the stories about overcoming adversity.

Today I'm not really posting a message on any message, so to speak but am posting one of encouragement. As I watched I started to think about how we choose to battle CRPS. I started to think that in order to become healthy again, we have to have that same type of strength and determination to overcome all of our obstacles. Do you have that strength and determination that it takes to rise above all of the adversity that you face?

Each of us has a different way that we face those challenges that are put in front of us. As I've mentioned before I find my strength and determination from God and without Him nothing would be possible. On a daily basis I ask God to give me the faith that I need to get through each day and overcome each and every obstacle as I meet it, until the day comes that I am healed. My faith which is given from God is what gives me the determination to overcome all adversities.

Sure we are going to hit all kinds of bumps in the road as we try to reach our goal but you can't give up. You have to listen to the coach and learn from what he says. In my case my coach is God!

When these athletes finally do win a gold medal you hear them always saying that it was the "determination", and "overcoming adversity" that got them the end result. Its been four years that I've been building on my faith and I feel more determined than ever to achieve my goal!

Sleeping with CRPS

2010-02-12T11:29:00.000-06:00

Well today is a new day and my head still hasn't cleared. As you may remember from yesterday's post my head was in a bit of a fog. Well today it is still as bad as yesterday however I'm going to try to post another blog. I just want to tell everyone that if you start reading sentences over again its not your eyes its just my inability to think straight!!!

It doesn't help that last night I got next to no sleep, and now this morning I'm trying to deal with two wild and crazy kids. Actually the kids are being really good and making me very proud. If you are a person reading this that suffers from CRPS then you are no stranger to a lack of sleep. Many of us that have CRPS have real problems sleeping for various reasons. My reason is that my movements at night cause me pain and ever time I move into a different position I wake up because of the pain. When I do manage to get any sleep it's usually very broken waking up ever half hour or so.

This pattern of broken sleep continues until my body finally says that it needs some sleep and I get a half decent nights sleep because I'm so worn down. I could use sleeping pills however it's hard trying to get excited about taking another pill. If it really came down to it, I would if I had to. The problem with taking them is that I end up feeling really groggy more often then not and so it becomes a trade off because on one side of the coin I don't get any sleep, on the other side I spend more time feeling groggy!! You can't seem to win!!

There are nights however that I get a good nights rest and those are like winning the lottery. It's pretty pathetic when all you wish for is a really good nights sleep. On the other hand my family gets a happier dad to deal with the next day. So in many ways they are the ones that have won the lottery. For a while now my kids have been calling me "Daddy Bear" hhmmmmmm maybe there's a reason for this!!!! Could dad act like a bear sometimes??

With my sleep being the way that it is I've been starting to take rests in the afternoon when I'm not in therapy, so I can get that extra little bit of rest that my body needs. Naps are important and I strongly recommend that you try them if you can. I know how hard that it can be to get comfortable enough to sleep for any length of time. So what I try to do is take little bits and pieces when I can. This makes up for the long nights that I don't get any sleep at all.

Nights can be really difficult when I'm not having a good night. It would be OK if I was able to read a book because at least I would be able to pass the time. However that is hard to do isn't it when your head isn't clear. Sometimes the nights can really seem to drag out. What makes things harder is that during the course of the night you get teased with these little mini naps only to be woken up in pain. Then of course just when your getting tired enough that you feel like you could sleep, it's time to get up and start the day all over again.

My purpose for writing about sleep is that I wanted people to understand that CRPS is something that we live with 24/7. This is what makes it so hard living with this condition, you never seem to be able escape the pain.

My Brain Is Taking A Holiday Today!!

2010-02-11T22:35:00.000-06:00

Tonight I've decided to give you a message that comes out of frustration. I'm working on another post which I was looking to put up today however as you've already noticed that didn't happen. At times I have a really hard time trying to put a simple thought together and today was one of those days I decided to give it a break and maybe return to it tomorrow. When I went back to edit it, I realized that I was having a really bad time writing what I wanted to say. So as I was writing, it became more and more evident that I needed to take a break. After about the fourth time writing the post I finally took that break!!

So why was this happening do you ask? Well there are a couple of reasons this was happening. It's a combination of the medications that I take on a daily basis combined with the CRPS. When I have bad flare ups they to can cause a lot of fogginess in my head making it hard to concentrate. Yesterday was a bad day as well however things seem to have gotten worse today. It can be really frustrating for not only myself, but for my wife as well because she has to put up with me on those days.

I remember one day last summer when I was playing a game of scrabble with my wife during one of my episodes and I could swear by the end of the game that she was ready to kill me. At first I couldn't understand why she was so mad, only to find out later that I was taking 20 min to make three letter words like dog or cat!! OK! OK! Maybe she had good reason to be upset!!

It's just a part of what I have to go through day in and day out in order to have some form of relief from the pain. So there really isn't much of a choice if I want to be in some comfort. It takes a couple of days for things to settle and then I'll be OK. It's just that at times it can feel so debilitating, and I get so frustrated when I can't control my own brain. Even simple things like reading a book become difficult because I lose my concentration in a moment.

The hardest part about when these episodes occur is trying to learn to tell myself when to slow down, and not to get frustrated with myself. That's a very hard thing to do seeing as these are simple day to day functions. However on some occasions it's harder to do than on others. Particularly if I'm having a really bad day with pain it all becomes too much to take. I can concentrate on my relaxation techniques but there are times where that makes things even worse.

The other reason that I get this way is because of the CRPS itself. There are real off days!! Today just happens to be one of those really bad off days! My pain isn't what's over the top, it's my head and my nerves that are causing some real problems today. I've had that feeling of being on edge all day, which becomes really exhausting and takes every last ounce of energy from me.

I really hate days like today because they are unlike other days where I wake up knowing that I'm going to be having a rough day. On days like today symptoms come on really fast, making them hard to control. As a result I don't do as good a job in controlling them.

So for tonight I will say goodnight and I pray that tomorrow brings a better day so that I can post the message that I'm working on.

What's Your Quality Of Life?

2010-02-07T23:26:00.000-06:00

It's been a really long day and I've been doing my best to get through the day. My pain level today is off the charts!!! All day I've been fighting with my pain to the point where I can't get comfortable at all. I did manage to have a couple of great laughs watching the show "Modern Family" with my wife in the evening though. Once again laughter is a great medicine!!! Tomorrow will be a new day and I will hope and pray that the pain eases. Today however I wanted to write about quality of life.

One of the things that I'm learning through all this is that my quality of life can still be good even though everything seems so bad. Sure my quality of life at the moment isn't what I'd like it to be, however I'm still learning and adjusting to the way things are now. With what has happened to me there are so many levels to which things have changed. On one side of the coin I have to adjust to the physical changes that have happened to me and try to deal with all the different ways in which I have to do things now. Something as simple as trying to butter a piece of toast is no longer simple to me anymore. It's not that I can't do it anymore I just have a different way of doing it now.

So changes have been made to a lot of ways that I do things, some easier than others to say the least. Have I made all the changes that need to be made? Are things working out perfectly with some of the changes I had to make? No to both!! The point is that changes can be made and a better quality of life is possible. It just takes time and it isn't going to happen over night.

This year there are a couple of things that I have started working on to improve my quality of life. One of my biggest passions before all this happened was playing golf. I was practically born with a club in my hand and when I was diagnosed, something that was a very big part of my life was taken away from me. Another big part of my life that was taken from me was my love of photography. Now these were two very big aspects to my life and to lose them both was huge. For a while I was stuck thinking that they were both gone and that they couldn't be replaced.

As hard as it was for me I am glad to say that this year I was able to play golf this year for the first time in 5 yrs. Like I said before changes have to be made and I was taught be rehab how to play with one hand. I had to use a cart and could only play a bit however the point is that I was able to do it. Do I play every day? No! I haven't played since the summer because of some setbacks, and this is what I mean by taking time. It's going to take some time to make this a regular in my life again. What's great is that it adds a whole new dimension to the quality of life I live.

The other change that's occurred in my life to improve my quality of living is that I've started to paint. I tried to start my photography again, however I was having too much trouble trying to use the camera again. So it was at this point that I decided to teach myself to paint. I found a way to express the same things that I did in my photography just in a different medium. Again what I was able to find was a different way of putting the puzzle together. I was also thinking about starting to post some of my photo's here on my site and maybe selling them. What does everyone think about that?

The second way to which I have had to adjust is to the emotional side of things. There have been so many ups and downs, that trying not to let the negative creep in to my mind has been difficult. Even trying to deal with how the rest of your family deals with this is difficult. On a day to day basis I see how something like this affects my family and that is really hard on all of us. There is only one answer for how I have been able to deal with the emotion side and that's my faith in God.

Let's face it what I am going through is emotional stuff, and whenever I need to get through an emotional time I turn to my faith. It helps me through each day and there are days that I wouldn't be able to get through things without His help. People ask me how I get through this? How do you live with such pain? How do you deal with your emotions? The answer is simple in that God is with me every step of the way.

If you suffer from chronic pain then there is something that you need to remember in all of this. You can better the quality of your life it just takes a little time and effort!!

Laughing With Our Kids!

2010-02-04T17:23:00.000-06:00

At this moment I'm listening to my kids laugh and giggle as they play with each other. It's a rare moment as other parents out there know!!!! When you here it though it warms your heart and reminds you about how much you love them. I know as parents we spend a lot of time complaining about all the bad things that our kids do, and we to often let the good pass us by. I know! I know! there are days that they really do drive us crazy however the good certainly does out way the bad. The memories that we build with them are important and we need to think about them more often.

I have the best kids in the world! Sure they get into trouble for things they aren't suppose to do but what kid doesn't!!! We sometimes forget THEY'RE KIDS! Yes you probably get frustrated chasing your 3yr old around the house when they don't listen to you. Let me tell you it's even more fun with one hand and one foot! Or better yet my girls love to mock me by walking around like dad, pretending to have canes and not being able to use there hand!! It's the times like that when it makes it all worthwhile and you forget all the things they do to drive us crazy.

People often ask me how I get through my day with my pain being what it is. I tell them that my kids make me laugh!! Is every day a good day? Not by any means! It's that one time when I'm feeling sad or down and they make me laugh that's worth a million bucks. Lasting memories is what it's all about!! When you have kids, you have to be able to re-live your childhood and learn to embrace it. You really haven't lived life until your kid has barfed on you a couple times. Good times! Or the times that your kids have peed on you. Then there are the times that your child wakes several times during the course of the night, when your nice and warm under the covers sleeping like a baby yourself. Yes! we still love them don't we!! Isn't this the reason we became parents in the first place, to embrace everything that comes with parenting?

My daughter Emily is the more cautious of my two kids, and I'll never forget bringing her home for the first time. When in China she wouldn't walk for us, and she was very scared to be away from our side. When we walked in the door of our house for the first time we put her down in the kitchen and she started running laps around the centre island in our kitchen. She was also scared to walk from the lino across the hardwood to the carpet. She would get down on her knees and crawl across then stand again.

At the same time however here is this cautious little kid who loves to go on the scary rides, and in her brain the scarier the better. Riding the roller coaster is in her future and I can see her being one of those kids that travels the world to ride each and every coaster there is. She also loves tobogganing! Did I mention the steeper the hill the better.

Then there are the times that Emily likes to mother us and tell us how we should be doing things according to the rules that we have set out for HER in the first place. It cracks me up when my kid uses my own rules on me. Am I or am I not suppose to be the one making the rules?? Katelyn our 3yr old has had her fare share of moments as well. Like the time when Emily came in from when they were playing outside to tell me that Katelyn was running around in the nude. So out I went to discover her on the swing set riding the swing in the nude. In her mind riding in the nude is better!!! Never mind the fact that now that she has no diaper on she has pee running down her legs!!

Katelyn also has a favorite saying "I'm frustrated!" What I love is that she looks at us with this real serious look on her face and crosses her arm's and says it. Five seconds later she breaks out laughing at herself. These are the types of things that I'm talking about, memories that will be forever etched in my brain able to bring a smile to my face.

Time goes by faster than we realize and you don't get a second chance to watch them grow up! So the next time that your daughter or son flushes something down the toilet and you spend the next several hours unclogging it. As you quietly curse under your breathe. Remember all the things that they have done to make you laugh!

CRPS & Your Emotions

2010-02-02T09:08:00.000-06:00

It's been a tough couple of days for me and my minds been on other things besides my blog. As I mentioned in a previous post I had surgery a couple weeks ago to fix a problem. Well a couple days ago I found out I'm going to need surgery again because the original issue isn't fixed. I'm very frustrated right now and of course this has caused an increase in my stress.

Anyways enough about that, today I was feeling inspired to talk about one of the ways in which I deal with my pain. The pain is worse today and along with that I'm finding it hard to keep my emotions under control. It's perfectly logical that my pain would be worse because my stress level is up, as well as the fact that my emotions are on high alert. The hardest part about having CRPS is not only the pain, but trying to control the emotional roller coaster that you ride. My latest turn of events has caused my stress level to rise. Again I feel like I'm riding that roller coaster twisting and turning out of control. The easiest way to explain how I feel is that it's like I'm on edge all the time, never knowing when you going up or coming down.

When my pain gets bad and my emotions start to run high then I need to focus on trying to get them under control. What I need to do at this point in time is try to get my nervous system to calm down so that I can relax enough to ease the pain and at the same time manage the emotions. This is where I rely on my relaxation therapy, which consists of breathing exercises that help to calm me. This then helps my nervous system unwind because it gets wound up so tight. When my nervous system isn't as tightly wound up then the pain eases and I'm more in control of my emotional state. I'm not saying that this type of therapy works for everybody however it seems to work for me.

Can I say that the pain is totally gone? No I can't! What I can say though is that it's controlling the pain so that it doesn't keep building and building. Without a doubt it helps me manage the constant flare ups that I suffer from with this condition. This would be all the ups and downs that I've gone through where the pain gets worse over a period of time and then takes several days to get better and calm down.

As you start to manage your pain level your going to find that you feel better emotionally. What I am finding is that I'm taking lessons in patience!!! Managing your pain doesn't happen over night and you are bound to have lots of ups and downs.

CRPS & Mirror Therapy

2010-01-30T19:32:00.000-06:00

For those of you that are dealing with CRPS you may or may not know about what I am going to talk about today. I am going to attach a couple of videos today by David Butler that explain what is going on in the brain in a person with CRPS. There are three videos that I'm going to post which deal with what is going on in the brain and using mirror therapy to treat.

I know that these videos are a little long however it gives you good insight into what is going on in the brain and how we can make a difference to get the brain to retrain back to the way that it was before.

Our Family!!!!

2010-01-28T23:49:00.000-06:00

Up until now I've been writing about CRPS and every now and then I want to change things up and let you know a little about my life and what goes on in it. As I mentioned before I am married to the most amazing woman that anyone could ask for. Words really can't explain how much she means to me. Through all my health issues she's simply been amazing and deserves to be recognized for all the extra things she's had to take on to keep this family running.

Donna and I have been married for what will be 13yrs come this May. I am originally born and raised in Vancouver and was living there when I met her. She had moved out to Vancouver from Regina where she was born and raised. How we met was a story unto itself and all you really need to know is that it was my place of work. Donna was a nurse by profession and I was working on the waterfront for a local Yacht Charter company. We dated for a while and then ended up heading back to Saskatchewan to get married back in 1997.

We had only been married for about a year before we made the decision to move back to Regina and start a family. After a while it was evident that we weren't able to have kids, so we decided to go the route of international adoption. In 2005 we packed our bags and headed to China to adopt our oldest daughter Emily. What an amazing adventure it's been since that time. She is this amazing 6yr old girl who's smart, full of life, full of energy, and makes you laugh. She has just entered kindergarten this year and loves being in school.

Shortly after arriving home with Emily was when I was diagnosed with CRPS. However life carried on and we decided that in 2007 we would do it all over again and adopt our second daughter Katelyn from Ethiopia. We again went through all the paperwork and prepared to bring another special little girl into our lives. At the time she was 6 months old and she was escorted by the agency back from Ethiopia to Toronto where we met her for the first time. It's hard to believe but this March she will be 3yrs old. I can't imagine life without them!!

Since the kids life has been full of crying, changing diapers, watching Barney, and singing kids songs. None of which I would change because I'm the happiest father and husband in the world!!!

I may be dealing with CRPS on a day to day basis, however my family is the bright side of things that help me get through each day. There isn't a day that I don't thank God for all the blessings that he has given me in my life, ALL THREE OF THEM!!

Overcoming Adversity

2010-01-27T09:56:00.000-06:00

I was going to start writing about something different today however I really felt like I needed to talk about overcoming adversity. This short video really inspired me to take a look at my day to day life and how I sometimes view the obstacles in front of me.

As the video played I started to think about each quote and found myself saying that each one of them was true. At the end I was really motivated to look at the different obstacles that I have run into since being diagnosed. Let's face it those of us that are diagnosed with CRPS or any other chronic pain condition are facing a giant to overcome. There are lots of times when we don't have the strength or energy to fight anymore. I'd like to think that our fight is much like the story of David & Goliath. Here is Goliath this big giant armed with his size and armor. Then you have David this little shepherd boy who seemed to small to defeat him. David armed himself with two things: his trust in God and his shepherd's sling. Many looked at David and thought that it would be impossible to take down this giant with just these two weapons.

What people didn't realize was that David's armor was equal to Goliath's. He was armed spiritually and with God's resources, which ultimately allowed him to take down Goliath. This is really how I look at each day as I face the pain that I go through. I arm myself with my faith in God to overcome anything.

My faith in God plays an enormous roll in how I stand strong through this adversity. Through all the times that I suffered disappointments with different doctors trying to diagnose me, or with other adversities that I have faced since being diagnosed there is one person that never fails me and that is God. The question that you need to ask yourself is how much do you rely on your faith? If there is one thing that I have learnt in all this it's that I can trust that he will always be there for me when I fall down.

I truly feel that no situation that you are faced with is to big to overcome. That's not to say that there may not be a few bumps in the road along the way. Quite often there are bumps because we have to grow or learn from it along the way. So the next time that you think that you can't deal with the pain remember that if someone like David can overcome then so can you. Ask yourself the really tough question and that is: When you've exhausted all your efforts and you have nobody left, who do you turn to?

Pain Control

2010-01-24T23:38:00.000-06:00

Well after yesterday's post I figured that maybe after being stuck in the house for a week that I would get out to do something. No such luck as it's a blizzard outside and I'm beginning to wonder if we are going to have to dig our way out of the house after this storm has finally rolled through.

Today when I got out of bed I knew that the day was going to be difficult. My pain level is really bad and it's taking all my strength to get around. So maybe it's a good thing that the snow is flying!! With my CRPS when I wake up I know almost always how my day is going to be within the first ten minutes. There are mornings that I wake up paralyzed in pain unable to move my limbs that are affected because the pain is so intense. To make matters worse there are headaches along with the pain which are like migraines.

On mornings like this it can sometimes take me 30 minutes just to get out of bed after I awake. This was the case this morning. When this happens I become more aware that I need to stay focused on managing the pain. I find that I have to take some time for myself and do my breathing exercises, to try and calm my nervous system down. I do this to try to relax my nervous system because on some mornings like this morning it's racing. Being awake most of the night with my pain last night however doesn't help the situation. This only makes matters worse.

There are days where I wish I had control over my nervous system and could turn it off. I've come to realize the importance of doing my breathing exercises at times when the pain is out of control. It's true that it might only bring temporary relief until things flare up again however it does help and any amount of relief that I can get I will take. Where I find it difficult is that I have two kids under the age of 5 as mentioned in previous posts. It's a real challenge for me to find that quite time for me when the pain gets bad. It's not that easy when your 3 yr old is throwing a tantrum and you have to deal with a kid who's limbs are flying around on the floor as she cries hysterically!!

What I find difficult is learning to recognise when my nervous system is getting wound up tighter and tighter. Everybody faces stress on a day to day basis however it has an even bigger effect on those of us with CRPS. A person with CRPS reacts differently to stress and there nervous system starts to speed up and can't slow down. I have started using a program called " Healing Rhythms " and this really helps calm my nervous system down using simple breathing techniques. It's a constant battle to stay on top of trying to relax and not allow my nervous system system to get too wound up.

Today might have been one of those days where the pain wasn't good but it was a day where I was able to control the pain. If I can gain an ounce of control over the pain then I have to say that the day has been good.

Pain has it's Up's & Downs

2010-01-23T22:58:00.000-06:00

Today is a snow day here in Regina so what better thing is there to do but update your blog. Although I had all day to update and here I find myself doing it at 11:00pm. Over the last couple of days I've been struggling with my pain level. For the past couple of days my pain has kept me parked on my sofa a lot of the time. During this time I've found time to put some links on CRPS that people may want to check out.

I would really like people to make some suggestions as to what I should put on my site. As well I'd like peoples suggestions as to where to find videos on CRPS because YouTube only has so many.

My pain level has not been that great today so I felt like I needed to try my best to forget about things for a bit. Even though I have a real hard time walking it was really important to me to get outside and watch my kids play in the snow. Just hearing them laugh and play was enough to put a smile to my face. Its so hard when your hurting to be positive or to even laugh. It's not for lack of me trying, it's just that I'm in so much pain that I find those things hard at the best of times. So when I am able to have a day like today and laugh with my kids I consider it a small victory and a step in the right direction. I might be in pain however the distraction is good for me and those of us with CRPS need to focus on these positive things that happen.

When I do things like what I did today I start thinking that the pain doesn't have to control me. It allows my nervous system to slow down a bit so that the pain isn't quite as intense. I was feeling pretty good and in control of the pain and had hopes in having a day that didn't end in pain. However like only CRPS could do things changed pretty quickly as the kids started yelling and screaming as they played today. I can't blame the kids because they were only being kids. Just like that my pain got really bad because of the noise and the stress that kids create. It can change on a dime and that's what I feel so frustrating.

It gets pretty discouraging because I was hoping for a good day. What I am finding though is that I am doing a better job of controlling my pain level when this happens. I'm not always successful at doing this but I'm recognising the fact that I need to take control of the situation and that I need to control the pain and not let it control me. So I'm happy to say that I managed to control it to the point that it didn't get any worse today and that's pretty big for me. Can I say that I had a great day "No", however I did win a small battle today and was able to control the pain better. So can I say that I had a bad day "No", but I can say that I am one day closer to getting better.

What is CRPS or RSD?

2010-01-20T11:27:00.000-06:00

When I started this blog I gave a very brief description of what CRPS or RSD is. I just wanted to share these short clips with everybody. I also included a short clip linking depression with CRPS which is very common. Those of you that are watching this and you are newly diagnosed need to listen carefully to what they are saying because there is important information with these clip. For those of you that don't know what this condition is all about, I hope you gain an understanding of what it is that those of us that are diagnosed go through on a day to day basis. I plan to put more clips about the condition on my site in the future so please become a follower of my site.

The second clip about not toughing it out is really important. If we keep trying to do that we are only hurting ourselves. The health care system needs us to be vocal and tell them how we are feeling so that treatment plans can be made, but most of all so that they learn from us in order to be able to treat us. I know it's hard for those of us that are dealing with this illness to find the positives in all of this, however in many ways we control whether we want to get better or not. If we work with our specialists and therapists and they work with us then we better our chances of getting better. I urge people to tell there doctors how there feeling!!!!

Mind Over Matter!!

2010-01-19T09:45:00.000-06:00

Today was another day of lying flat on my back and trying to heal from the surgery that I had a couple of days ago. I'm only on day 3 and after speaking with the surgeon apparently I will have about 10 or 12 days of real discomfort before the pain calms down a bit. The problem that I have is that because I have CRPS there is a good chance that the pain is worse because of that and it may take a little longer to heal because of my condition. I won't get into what type of surgery was done but now I have some metal implanted in my body and lets just say that there are a lot of jokes going on about it.

I'm finding my pain levels at the moment to be a real challenge because with CRPS your pain gets so exaggerated and it's extremely hard to tell what the real pain is like. Today is one of those days where I try to do anything to block the pain out including doing relaxation to try to calm my nervous system down. However even when I try to do the relaxation I find that the pain is to great and I have to stop or it makes the pain worse. Days like today are the ones that I find most frustrating because you have no control over your own body. What is frustrating is the level of effort that I put into trying to decrease the pain while using all the techniques that my physiotherapists have given me.

When my level of frustration builds like this I need to remind myself about the fact that this isn't going to get better overnight. I need to remember that if I don't stick to the program and the treatment plan that has been set out for me then I may as well say goodbye to any improvement at all. Tonight is one of those nights that I truly need to say " mind over matter". I'm finding it so frustrating however tonight because of those constant reminders of how things have changed being in my brain all day today. My oldest daughter was playing with me today and wanted me to pick her up to touch the ceiling. I then told her I couldn't because I needed both my hands. She then starts reflecting on how much fun it used to be when I did it. There have been days when she's looking through old pictures and she"ll say " remember when you had two hands daddy". These are the reminders I constantly get and it makes it hard especially if you don't know 100% that you'll get the use back.

It's at times like these that it starts that viscous circle of how things used to be, and that they will never be normal again. I have been trying much harder lately to try to change this way of thinking because this plays a big part in remapping my brain to bring about changes in it. The more I tell my brain that everything is ok and that things are going to get better the more likely I am to bring about positive changes within it. For someone reading this that doesn't have CRPS you would think that this was just an every day way of thinking and that it's all about having a positive attitude. However it's not that easy for those of us with CRPS. We have to trick our brain into learning these things over again, so that we can reprogram our brains so to speak telling it things are fine.

Nights like tonight take every last ounce of strength inside me. I know that I will be lucky if I get about 2 hrs of sleep. However I do need to stay positive and believe that tomorrow will be a better day. I just needed to vent today because days like today are the ones that are so difficult.

Putting it into Perspective!!!

2010-01-18T09:53:00.000-06:00

I've had some time this week to look back over the week after having some surgery as to the health care we receive here in Canada. As I've been doing nothing but lay on my back over the last couple of days I've been watching and reading about all the events happening in Haiti over the last week. It's really made me thankful for all that we have here in our country. We spend so much time complaining about all the bad things with our health care system that we don't think about the good.

So often is the case that we complain about the quality of our health care and that it doesn't meet our standards. Then something like the earthquake in Haiti happens and it puts everything into perspective. Some people in this world don't even have a doctor to go see, yet we spend a lot of time complaining when we've seen two or three doctors and they can't figure out what's wrong with us. Or we spend a lot of time complaining when they don't get our treatment right. I know we get frustrated and we just want to get better but I think we can do a better job of spending less time complaining, and focusing on the good. It's so hard because when your sick or have something wrong with you a lot of the time we want things to happen "now" and we lose site of how good our system really is. Have you ever stopped to think that some of the top physicians in the world are from Canada?

From the bottom of my heart I am thankful for the team of people that have been looking after me for the past 4yrs since everything started happening. From the doctors to the therapists that work with me I am ever so thankful. We need to look at simple things like being able to pick up the phone and call our doctors when we aren't feeling well and are feeling pain. As Canadians we just ask our doctor for a prescription and that is that. In some other countries they don't have it that easy. They don't have some of the pain medications we have. When I think about the people that are laying in the streets in Haiti missing limbs or the people dying waiting for some form of help I get a pit in my stomach thinking about it. It makes me very grateful for the level of care that I get. Let's not forget that things are a little different in a situation like an earthquake however this is a country that had nothing to start.

When you look at the quality of care in our country compared to many then it's a real dose of reality. So often though it takes a crisis like what has happened in Haiti for us to realize how good we really have it. The sad part is that after a while people lose perspective of this and they will be back to complaining that they aren't being cared for at the level that they deserve. Am I myself guilty of thinking this way? I think I am because I start demanding a certain level of care instead of just being grateful that I have care at all.

There are lots of times when we want to focus our attention on the negative experiences that we have had with our doctors and what they aren't doing for us. I am guilty of thinking this way myself sometimes, however we need to be thankful that we even have one looking at us at all. Lots of times we lose perspective because our desire to become healthy is so strong. We don't want to except no for an answer or believe that our physicians don't have all the answers. What we need to look at however is being grateful that we even have a doctor to try and figure it out with.

To put everything into perspective I look back at my struggle with being diagnosed with CRPS. I was angry that it took so long to be diagnosed. I felt a lot of frustration towards the doctors, who I felt should know about this condition. In reality I just need to be thankful that I was diagnosed at all. As a society we seem to have developed this sense of entitlement to the quality of care that we receive. I do believe there should be a certain standard of health care. All I'm saying is that when things don't necessarily go the way that we want to them to just think about it for a second before you criticize the system. Sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to talk in a negative light in regards to health care.

At times like this when you have a disaster you can't help but think that there are people in places dealing with things much worse than what people like us are dealing with. We need to think about the fact that we have food, water, and medicine along with other basic supplies. I might be in pain every day but I'm not dying. I live in a country where I don't have to pay for basic health care. We need to consider ourselves lucky that we don't have to spend a month's wages to see a doctor.

So many of us have found lots of negative things to dwell on when we look back at our system however if we spend a little time looking at the positive I think we would find ourselves moving forward in a more positive light.

I just feel like today I had to go off topic because of the situation in Haiti. I want to say to everyone that we need to pull together as a nation and do whatever we can for Haiti. Whatever way you see fit to do your part I urge you to do it. I also want to say that the next time you become frustrated with our system just be thankful that you even have one. I know I need to do a better job myself thinking about that.

Positive Change

2010-01-13T10:28:00.000-06:00

On Sunday night I was watching the show "Brace For Impact" about the heroic pilot Capt. Skully who landed the plane in the Hudson River. In the show there was one particular interview with a retail executive that struck a cord with me and had me thinking about what has happened in my life. After the crash she decided that she was going to leave her executive job and work for the Red Cross. Having been through something as trajic as that it had changed her perspectives on life. The corprate world and making the money she was making no longer mattered. What mattered more to her was to help other people in need. Until she had been through the crash I don't really think she had really looked at what she was getting out of life.

This really got me thinking because when I got sick I to had a successful job and was making good money. I was working long hours and didn't get a lot of time with my family. Then everything changed and I found myself disabled and my perspectives started to change. I was so caught up in my job trying to provide for my family that I didn't stop to look at what was missing. Now don't get me wrong my family life was good it wasn't that it was bad, I just feel like I was missing out on certain things at the time. I wasn't really aware of how much time I was away from my wife and kids with my job. Now that I look back at that I can see just how much time I was away from my family because I was a slave to my job. Sure I may be at home disabled however I get to be at home with my kids!!

So in a lot of ways my diagnosis has changed my life for the positive. It's these types of things that I use in my life to draw strengths from. It doesn't all have to be bad when you get diagnosed with an illness. When I hear stories like hers it encourages me because I can relate because it's happened to me. As I battle from day to day to try to get better I think about the positive changes that have happened in my life. If I'm having a bad day and the pain is really intense sure there are days that I would just love to stop fighting and give up. It's at times like that that I think about the fact that I'm at home with my kids watching them grow up. I just have to think about them for a minute and they put a smile on my face.

Sure in a lot of ways life has changed and I can't do lots of the things that I used to do. However for every negative that has happened I like to think that there's a positive that is there as well. Always look for the positive and you will feel encouraged.

People say to me how can you be happy when so much has gone wrong with your body??? My answer is that I'm trying to make the best out of a bad situation. I'm choosing to be positive and not let the bad things that have happened to me win. I can either choose to live my life as one big pity party for myself or I can choose to move on trying to get better and make the most out of what I do have.

I guess what I'm saying is that because of everything that has happened I value my life a whole lot more, and the decisions that I make. There have been lots of changes over the course of my illness however I don't see them all as negative, as there are positive ones as well. I hope that some of you that are suffering from chronic illness will be encouraged that it doesn't have to be all bad!

CRPS & My Diagnosis

2010-01-09T13:05:00.000-06:00

It's hard to know where to start with this blog because there are so many different topics that I could talk about. I don't think it would be right however if I didn't give you a bit of a background as to the events that happened to get me to where I am today. To try to sum up the past 4yrs is difficult to do seeing as so much has happened during that time. Over the past years there has been a hole host of emotions that I have experienced. There have been times of happiness, sadness, fear, and anger to name a few.

In 2006 I was diagnosed with CRPS. The clinical definition of CRPS is that it's a chronic progressive disease characterized by severe pain, swelling, and changes in the skin. The cause is currently unknown however trauma or surgery are precipitating factors in the condition. It most commonly affects a persons limbs and in my case I can't use my left hand or my left ankle. A person's central nervous system plays a significant role in this as well.

In my case surgery was my trigger and after having some cysts removed from my left arm my hand started to swell and turn blue. Soon my arm from elbow to fingertips was greatly swollen. I started seeing specialist's however they didn't seem to be able to figure out what was causing all the swelling. For a full year I spent time bouncing from doctor to doctor with no results!! My frustration was growing and the pain was becoming more and more intense. I remember feeling so much anger because it felt like nobody cared about my case and that I didn't matter to each doctor that I went to. As I left each office the results were always the same, I would leave not knowing what was wrong.

Finally I decided that I would go out to Vancouver where I saw a doctor recommended by a friend. Within minutes of meeting with this doctor I had my diagnosis. One of the things with CRPS is that if you catch it early enough there is a chance that you can get it to go into remission. In my case nearly a year had gone by and the changes in my bone, nerves, and muscles may me irreversible. There was all kinds of anger I was feeling because if only if it had been caught earlier then maybe there would be a chance.

When I got back home to Regina I was refered to a specialist who then put me on what I like to describe as a cocktail of drugs to try to reduce the swelling and minimize the pain. I was also put into an intense physio program where I remain today. At that given time it was as if I almost needed to have a little pity party for myself. Life had changed dramatically for my family and myself and I was feeling all these emotions and didn't know what to do. Up until that point I had been the provider for the family and my wife stayed at home with the kids. Now the rolls had changed and I was staying home with the kids. Then as though it wasn't bad enough already I tore the tendon in my left ankle and the CRPS spread to my ankle. It was one thing to have a hand that didn't work but now my leg wasn't working and I now walk with a cane.

I won't bother getting into the nitty gritty of what went on during those 4yrs because like I say the details are to long. All you really have to understand is that there were a lot of ups and downs over that time and there will be other posts that speak to some of those times. There are two choices that I can choose from as I fight this battle. I can choose to stay positive and do all that I can to get better or I can choose to let it defeat me. I am choosing the first choice!!!My faith also plays a huge part this fight. Without my faith I wouldn't be able to stand up and fight when it feels like it's all to much.

Waking up and getting through the day in as little pain as possible is now my daily challenge. Having as normal a family life as possible is also another challenge. When you put the two of them together you are living the life that I am living right now. I feel like the luckiest husband in the world to have a wife who is so understanding of my condition and does so much for our family. I have amazing kids that don't see Dad as disabled, but see me as fun and loving.

It is now time to stop because I can hear the snoring!!!! Hope some of the background into my diagnosis and how I got to where I am at today.

Ross

Hello and Welcome to my Blogg

2010-01-06T13:26:00.000-06:00

Hi everybody and welcome to my blogg!!!! If this is your first time visiting my blogg then you are reading my very first post! I have been thinking about starting this blogg for some time now and finally got the nerve to do it. I don't really call myself a writer so I'm hoping that I don't lose you by the end of the first paragraph.

If you had asked me five years ago if I'd some day be writing a blogg the answer probably would have been "no" however things changed dramatically in my life and here I am writing it. What changed in my life was that I was diagnosed with a disease called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome or CRPS for short. Some people or some doctors will call it RSD. The easiest way to explain it is that it's a neurological disorder that affects your limbs, causing chronic pain, swelling, along with other symptoms. My left hand and left ankle have been affected and at the moment don't have the use of them.

The changes that have happened in my life and in my families life over the past five years have been unbelievable and as time has gone on the desire to write about the challenges, and changes has only gotten stronger and stronger. During this time I have also come to realize that the support for people suffering from chronic conditions like this is very limited. This is another reason for starting this blogg because I would really like to connect with other people that either have the same condition as myself or with other's dealing with chronic illness.

Other posting's that I will make will get into the different aspects of how my life has changed or how I deal with the day to day pain. Some posts will simply be about how that given day has gone.

Unless you are living with this condition you truly don't understand what a person goes through while trying to live your life to some form of normalcy. One thing however that I never lose site of is that I have to stay positive about my situation and that some day I may regain use of my limbs. Having a positive attitude and trying to stay focused on getting better has to be at the front of my mind. Does that mean that I'm not allowed to have a pity party for myself every once and a while???? Absolutely not!!! You have to allow your emotions out every once and a while. What I'm saying is always have a positive attitude that you will get better.

I want to have fun with this blogg so some posts will be funny and hopefully make you laugh and others will have a more serious side if I want to get a point across. I really look forward to making all kinds of new friends in the blogging community and also enjoying there bloggs. I hope that you didn't find todays post really heavy or boring however I wanted to give you an idea about what my focus with this blogg will be on.

Ross