Well here I am for another post, and how things can change quickly!! Over the last couple of days I've been experiencing pain that has been off the charts. The other night it took everything inside of me to keep up the fight. Just when you think you've been through it all, the pain comes on even worse than the last time. When does it end!! You just have to do a lot of praying and ask God to take the pain away. There is no way to describe what you feel when your going through that much pain. Have you ever felt pain that drives you to the point where you want to throw up? Well I wasn't throwing up but I sure wanted to!!
I know that sometimes when I post it may seem like I do a great job handling the pain. Most of the time I try to do everything that I can to distract myself from it, and not let it beat me. I have my moments however where I don't handle it so well and just want to give up!! The other night was one of those nights where I had a real hard time dealing with the pain and just wanted this all to end. At moments like this it can be really hard for me to focus, and it can also be hard to maintain that positive attitude that most of the time I have. It's at times like these that I feel like the luckiest man on earth to have the wife that I do! It was when I couldn't, that my wife started to pray for God to take the pain away. To have that kind of support and encouragement from her is a gift from God.
I'm happy to say that those prayers have been answered, and the pain is a bit better than the other night. You can give me every reason for why my pain subsided over night however I know that it was an answer to prayer. It amazes me how quickly my pain can change. The hardest thing I find in dealing with my CRPS, are the emotional stresses that it puts on ones life. One day you might be feeling good and think that you are winning the battle. The next day your pain comes back and kicks you twice as hard, to try and beat you down. There's a constant game that goes on in your head that doesn't end. Your brain on one side is saying win the fight, and the other side keeps saying this is all to much to take. The people that surround you play an important role in keeping that fight going.
The other night was one of those nights where you have to dig to the very depths of your soul and pull out everything that you have to keep going. Sometimes it takes another person to encourage you or help you find that extra bit of fuel that you need to fight. As I was experiencing the intense pain, it was that encouraging word from my wife that helped me to find it within myself to get through this latest flare up. It's those small things that she does to keep encouraging me that help so much. She is a big part of this fight and for that I am ever so grateful.
Who's gives me the attitude that I have to fight this war? God! Who helps me get through periods of pain that test you until you can't take any more? God! Who keeps giving me the strength when I need it? God! Wo encourages us when we need to be lifted up because we don't have any more fight left in us? God! Who do you have in your life that encourages you to keep up your fight?